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who is Their?? Is that a French name?
No, it's a homophone for "They're", as in "They are the idiot", in reference to the post by Geoff (walpurgis).
mr sneff
23-11-2020, 08:42
https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/123701417_3023682577733977_6591348754814215772_n.j pg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=2&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=pq3_xdt5-3UAX9rHxJS&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=0ff506fdd8633c4d1369c8789ea18a43&oe=5FE29B00
Beobloke
23-11-2020, 10:17
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201123/ad93eb0cda4966b3456b6febe824d988.jpg
mr sneff
24-11-2020, 13:59
https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/126841046_3988086401201537_1952794140676112649_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=76fL9wej2MAAX9DcbUW&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=9a434fd4fa7c637db81f53d2ece0cd82&oe=5FE48B2C
Physical comedy is special IMO. Works in all languages. "Dinner for One".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORvvK47EZqw
A bit of a spoiler here: https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-an-obscure-british-comedy-sketch-became-the-world-s-most-repeated-tv-program?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB
This obscure 1963 show has become a Euro classic. Achingly funny. :lol:
mr sneff
27-11-2020, 09:29
https://scontent-lhr8-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/126280759_3458183344270901_8450387356453896856_n.j pg?_nc_cat=104&ccb=2&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=tyTzJeAYA1UAX9vMklD&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-1.xx&oh=e170c8b5d8da4b7316585d417f5a056e&oe=5FE4F3DB
mr sneff
27-11-2020, 09:33
https://www.facebook.com/100006273018986/videos/2770398889845851/
kirstysdad
04-12-2020, 15:50
Man rushes into a dentist shouting "Help me, I'm a moth, I'm a moth"
Dentist tells him "I'm a dentist! Why come in here?"
Man replies "The light was on"
It's hard to find jokes about the current germ.
Severely unfunny. :(
But we have lots of jokes about previous ones. :)
Police have advised house-owners to be on the lookout for a dangerous local burglar.
Witnesses describe him as resembling a 6 foot cockroach:
"There's a bit of a nasty bug going about."
:lol:
My mum always liked this one:
It's not the cough that carries you off, but the coffin they carry you off in!
:lol:
I went to a porn stars reunion yesterday...
It was nice to come across old faces again!
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/7b/f1/d1/7bf1d1a24f3e6d434e8c9cc5f515700b.gif:D
Bouncer wouldn't let me in the club because I wasn't wearing a tie.
My mate said I've got something in my car that will suffice and got me some jump leads which I duly tied round my neck.
Bouncer said alright, you can go in but don't start anything.
Beobloke
11-02-2021, 12:01
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210211/9adf8fdf1625b3ff027bb11a9f9a07e7.jpg
“It is important that we remember the true meaning of Easter” said the Archbishop of Cadbury
“It is important that we remember the true meaning of Easter” said the Archbishop of Cadbury
i heard he said that in Confection;)
Ha Ha , Hows things Grant??:)
Filterlab
25-03-2021, 19:23
i heard he said that in Confection;)
But it was hard to hear as it was a Wispa.
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51132799105_b388742fba_o.jpg
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51132799105_b388742fba_o.jpg
:lol: :lol: :lol:
That's not a good advertisment for electric cars.
walpurgis
30-04-2021, 08:58
https://i.ibb.co/xMBgsYs/Screen-Shot-04-30-21-at-09-57-AM.png (https://imgbb.com/)
walpurgis
12-06-2021, 19:30
https://i.ibb.co/8jLYLns/Screen-Shot-06-12-21-at-05-49-PM.png (https://ibb.co/MRxBxyS)
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210613/834831f67b27c9aae8707536d71d9be0.jpg
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51247655387_59629d6f43_o.jpg
As a liberal democrat republican nationalist communist anarchist anti-capitalist Englishman, I like to keep in touch with our Northern friends the Scots and their First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrwGh7NZ4Uw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FQ8jyr0RJ8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWsJr7EdalM
But Honestly. I have not a clue what is going on. :lol:
https://youtu.be/8J9its_Ngkw
Terry-Thomas
https://i.imgur.com/eXN9uDV.jpg
mad-moon
26-08-2021, 07:47
A young fellow and his wife are out for a meal together..the waiter comes to the table and asks if they are ready to order..The young chap says I'd like a ribeye steak with all the trimmings please...yes sir no problem...how would you like your steak cooked sir....young chap says, I'd like it, like winning an argument with the wife mate...waiter says...rare it is then sir....
https://i.postimg.cc/FK7ZLWY0/b2a874a5-b52d-4225-aa69-de9302c2a097.jpg (https://postimg.cc/QBZ1LqkM)home cooking near by (https://thesawmillgrill.com/)
That's hilarious Guy!
Not my son's drawing, pinched off the web, but what a legend! :lol:
https://cdn.onebauer.media/one/lifestyle-legacy/84/fca96/de1d3/91e10/3a4be/9c484/24826/buzzzz_466x466.jpg?format=jpg&quality=80&width=850&ratio=1-1&resize=aspectfit
Think I'll pass on the chicken and mushroom!
I had a prostate exam yesterday. That’s the last time I will ever fall asleep on the bus;)
man says to mate, ive been married for 34 years and dont regret a day of it!..
that day was when she went to visit her ailing mother... boom, boom.:eek:
This fella reviews takeaways on yt, fast forward to about 14 minutes to watch him tackle fermented fish, tickled me :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXBd-PsyDO8&t=1560s
Happy Trafalgar day [emoji16]
Politically Correct Nelson at Trafalgar:
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it… full speed ahead!"
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in naval history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "actually sir, we are now diverse and have to refer to the crew as people. Also, our "people" are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man...er person, an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case.......... kiss me, Hardy."
Well done - it made me laugh! :lol:
Well done - it made me laugh! :lol:
Can't claim any credit, was shamelessly stolen from my cousin's Facebook page but it did make me chuckle too!
walpurgis
14-11-2021, 13:15
Revenge tip from the net.
If your wife's been annoying you, go out in the kitchen and screw every jar lid down tight! :D
Revenge tip from the net.
If your wife's been annoying you, go out in the kitchen and screw every jar lid down tight! :D
It wouldn't work here - my partner has a stronger grip. However she doesn't know how to program or use the microwave without my assistance.
mr sneff
17-11-2021, 06:16
https://scontent.fltn3-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/257604547_10228167047824903_2498725911309972296_n. jpg?_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=825194&_nc_ohc=Mslxot7aU5sAX8dFPye&_nc_ht=scontent.fltn3-2.fna&oh=77b9cb61cbdf10c80494894e445571cf&oe=61969065
Mikeandvan
08-01-2022, 23:21
Years ago I thought I was a man trapped inside a woman's body, then I was born.
A joke to make you smile ��
Went for a walk past a farm with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.
She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"
I replied: "He can smell she is ready. That's how nature works."
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.
Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?"
I replied: "It's nature. He can smell she is ready."
We then went past another pasture and the bull was mating with the cow.
My girlfriend said: "This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can't smell when she is ready?"
I said: "Oh, yes; it's nature. All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex."
Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her at home and kissed her goodbye.
She said: "Take care and get yourself tested for Covid-19."
Surprised, "Why do you say that?" I asked her.
She replied: "You seem to have lost your sense of smell."
mad-moon
03-03-2022, 03:24
Why did the fox cross the road?............................................. .........because he wanted to eat the chicken....;)
Don Rickles with John Wayne
https://youtu.be/a-AlVDghSio
Don Rickles with Clint Eastwood
https://youtu.be/Hc2MN1n6UIA
Teacher asked the children what their Dad's did for a living.All the typical answers came up... Builder, fireman, policeman, salesman,etc.Joshua, a kid with a blond mop of hair, was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the Teacher asked him about his Dad. 'My Dad's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the back lane and have sex with them for money.The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little Joshua aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your Dad?''No,' said Joshua, 'He's just resigned as the PM but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'
When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal. “Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.”
Nobody dared to move, but suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles. With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone. The owner announced “We have a brave winner.”
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, and upon arrival, the manager told him “he was very brave to jump” the man replied, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”
His wife smiled...
Moral of the story — Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him.
Techno Commander
08-07-2023, 08:18
Happy speakers. :)
https://i.imgur.com/ccsphgy.jpg
They look genuine - JBLs?
Whatever, they made me laugh. :)
Mikeandvan
03-08-2023, 21:54
"Years ago I felt like a male trapped inside a female's body, then I was born". Vic Reeves.
Pigmy Pony
04-10-2023, 16:31
Dirty Doris, Chorley's newest "Lady of the night" wasn't much to look at. She met up with her man after her first night on the job to hand over her takings.
"£40.20? who paid you twenty pence?"
"All of them."
she was fairly going through the the queue... thats about 17 an hr:eek:
Pigmy Pony
04-10-2023, 20:28
Well it was Friday, payday. We were queuing round the block :)
she was fairly going through the the queue... thats about 17 an hr:eek:
At £0.20 per client, a taking of £40.20 represents 201 clients.
Assuming she was 'working' for 10 hours (without a break!), then this 600 minutes implies she only spent just under 3 minutes with each.
Satisfaction guaranteed?
Pigmy Pony
05-10-2023, 07:09
At £0.20 per client, a taking of £40.20 represents 201 clients.
Assuming she was 'working' for 10 hours (without a break!), then this 600 minutes implies she only spent just under 3 minutes with each.
Satisfaction guaranteed?
Not necessarily. These particular public toilets have a coin-operated turnstile, and I'm guessing a lot of the "clients" left immediately and didn't hang around for a refund.
The pimp must have been really disappointed to find that some of the money was the toilet attendant's cut.
You seem to know a lot about these things. :lol:
Pigmy Pony
05-10-2023, 07:35
You seem to know a lot about these things. :lol:
Everyone in Chorley knows about these things, including Mrs. P who found the turnstile receipt in my work pants pocket :doh:
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/440763213_981322320031881_7529104693230650270_n.jp g?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=5f2048&_nc_ohc=3k20-Rk9jxcQ7kNvgFa_R1_&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&oh=00_AfBAi1KJP_grdNLtDlTsOFPUk-XYOIaPX8gQj31ER1OUyA&oe=6639591D
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/440763213_981322320031881_7529104693230650270_n.jp g?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=5f2048&_nc_ohc=3k20-Rk9jxcQ7kNvgFa_R1_&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&oh=00_AfBAi1KJP_grdNLtDlTsOFPUk-XYOIaPX8gQj31ER1OUyA&oe=6639591D
I must be thick, as I don't get it. :scratch:
:lol: Chris Martin is the lead singer of a very famous band... then think of one of their biggest hits from their debut album...
Ah - Coldplay with their hit 'Yellow'; but I had to resort to Wikipedia to find out! :doh:
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20240912/ac8617e7147a91eaf7e958a6e3f03f70.jpg
Shamelessly stolen from someone else on Facebook but made me smile!
Pigmy Pony
12-09-2024, 09:43
:D Pretty cool that - Talking of cool, I wonder what DSOTM song you might get when you switch on the air con?
"Breath (in the Air)"?
But if you have disabled the recycling mode and are stuck in a traffic jam, then it might be "Brain Damage", caused by the exhaust fumes.
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20241206/5cc9ff444e34d87a77e24b3bc7222702.jpg
Firebottle
07-12-2024, 08:10
:lol::eyebrows::lol:
The lost art of letter writing.
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250115/43b3126ac5551a403d8ed39f2b910cae.jpg
Pigmy Pony
15-01-2025, 17:52
:lol: Didn't see that coming.
BREAKING:
HMS Warboat to return Statue of Liberty to France under cover of darkness.
Super Boat Soldiers (Like SAS but boat) loaded the 800.85ft tall statue on to Warboat & used water cannons to fight off angry Americans as the statue was repossessed.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GmPg0JDaIAADXgs?format=jpg&name=small
Photographed from a Canberra
With credit to "Riker's Beard" this made me chuckle...
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/486848969_740857998598235_2730787083547926024_n.jp g?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=833d8c&_nc_ohc=CpRklTj4jTUQ7kNvgFD4--7&_nc_oc=AdkulvC2N-ZYv-O8u84hoDJoKNpBH8Bbg_ijqM6NfjDiFcBYcnmprhfu0Jivvu7E wnjpjZFiZIBZJJfxePJoGp6u&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=PLGRrxPwtWb42FrhHep-jw&oh=00_AYG4LClb-Qu3L7h2zlNEAMcF9qCEe-2T0HWwUwRAemp4QA&oe=67EA72E7
Mikeandvan
28-03-2025, 21:21
Years ago I thought I was a man trapped inside a woman's body, then I was born.
James Acaster, apparently, not sure I know who he is but this made me chuckle!
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/487064299_1089231513233184_4507894952447659137_n.j pg?stp=cp6_dst-jpg_tt6&_nc_cat=107&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=FRBt2Q6vGu8Q7kNvgHXmVBq&_nc_oc=AdnGFF5tr7T6n-bpwMeeS_pDl8LYaOZO73YnTyB0Wiv0lg7e7ZleysS_iPbLfEDO SdHP5wEU7xFsJOAq0xSQrQFk&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=HHz6NYI1qinA0wtRNRMJjA&oh=00_AYENWBao8hUcA085F_LuEk_efcfi6fKe9HsEZuX-q8ISkQ&oe=67EE42C7
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/494738353_986629363459195_7035550155049835372_n.jp g?_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=833d8c&_nc_ohc=VZwraMM4858Q7kNvwF5Tktn&_nc_oc=Adk58KIxpTzMxulV3i2JteFz5ng8oX7VKJMTAEQ_6GN YTq83ogODTrHEDq98uopnwuIz_Z-Hq8mK7ht_sbdGvKD6&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=i7fogtbOgPRizKwTGXPt7Q&oh=00_AfJq8KbrQ8v0A0YRdhaMVDPHs71jhXvkvDKTvDDauPTL 6g&oe=682982B9
Pigmy Pony
13-05-2025, 20:20
If they can resuscitate you within 14 days the fine is reduced to £30 :)
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/495183751_1209912917589235_5022246104204239191_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s600x600_tt6&_nc_cat=108&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=MAvFyJQ8f9EQ7kNvwG-fxu9&_nc_oc=AdnIHqWVpSxwdacjlLzhko901CIyJO34XnwHQv3yC9w c3lrTxhvIPPQCTtR7mgTDjjy6-WioWJxDcCg_iUZ1UqbX&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=duku2mc8bYPDyjO2kOB_lw&oh=00_AfIPwn7poeEIDEFF0l0s7LE6c_wzy8Qrkxu_GYyF-EKBJg&oe=682C1453
Nice tactics, Steve! :lol:
Pigmy Pony
16-05-2025, 11:35
Nice tactics, Steve! :lol:
:lol: That's a disappointing eye-opener, I thought the saucy messages I receive were due to me being such a babe magnet, now I'm not so sure...
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250522/347ff352a60f4f6615f665ab377859f3.jpg
Pigmy Pony
22-05-2025, 13:40
:lol: My brother found himself chatting to her at a 'do' in Philadelphia many years ago - he told me she was great fun and nothing like how the press portrayed her. I'll bring it up next time I see him, find out what was said.
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250524/f75fa0562640e69764eee35104e7d6b1.jpg
Happy Threads Day
to all those who celebrate.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Gr3_MfIXEAAFMkc?format=jpg&name=360x360
An oldie, but still makes me chuckle!
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250603/73000b6cb01a1ce23d1350f8e69f72f2.jpg
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250608/d826ee98bfbce66a51fe23f1fa4a2c7f.jpg
Maybe I'm being a bit thick, but none of the substitutions make much sense to me. :scratch:
I think that’s the point, Barry, wherever you substitute “Cat” it is just as bad as the original error! :)
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/505709699_1264198065066311_6018295581676775349_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s565x565_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=P7QSpMilhL0Q7kNvwFfD6-E&_nc_oc=AdkL1diQoWHYQE7mdABA4kgtN4ENTrX498znbYIa3co eN0zr9jJGlyMEHM4Ei4g_772mUeC6zSm_KzFr0U-_oH2N&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=GsRFoFk5F8h5lrGLZFB2jA&oh=00_AfOProtGTdgOTZe2b3IA4ZbenFVgMJlvvGtZ422k770v MA&oe=684D4592
Now that did make me (s)mile. ;)
A woman takes her husband to the doctor.
Dr: What’s the problem Mrs Smith?
Mrs Smith: My husband has lost the ability to speak, he can only sing.
Dr: I see. Mr. Smith, what’s your wife’s name?
Mr Smith (singing): My, My, My, Delilah!
Dr: And what do you think of her?
Mr Smith (singing) : She’s a lady!
Dr: And where do you live?
Mr Smith (singing): The green, green grass of home.
Dr: OK Mrs Smith, your husband has an acute case of TJS.
Mrs Smith: TJS?
Dr: Yes, Tom Jones Syndrome.
Mrs Smith: Is it rare?
Dr (singing): It’s not unusual!
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/505441843_1145253894298849_6267370028911017351_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s600x600_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=9_U3jFHmyYwQ7kNvwE-p0bR&_nc_oc=AdnOEYI-MvtmpJS-rMk-7eJGEaMeQCgtbKSfXHWXnNQ0ft78tAoErsxavaGUldlnQTpaff 20oqEOGhCeOcgb8P9w&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=cu8mRS7eQU5V7pItO9FDEw&oh=00_AfO1zLHiaqx0gbJbgEg0z2jImjP9-k_HzEobdHgtSn6P7g&oe=68528AFC
Pigmy Pony
14-06-2025, 05:35
:lol: This is how a day should start :)
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250718/01eff1fe2506755c656e838268b4cb1b.jpg
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
There is no real reply to that!
I could of course suggest a reason why she suffered burns on her knees and elbows and a sore arse - but I'm too much of a gentleman to go into details. :D
There is no real reply to that!
I could of course suggest a reason why she suffered burns on her knees and elbows and a sore arse - but I'm too much of a gentleman to go into details. :D
Brilliant
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250807/2fd193a0273ab298c5560e57c2f7fa78.jpg
Pigmy Pony
07-08-2025, 20:03
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250718/01eff1fe2506755c656e838268b4cb1b.jpg
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Poor woman - sounds like a complete lack of concern from the hotel staff about her spending the night getting her back door bashed in :(
Pigmy Pony
07-08-2025, 20:06
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250807/2fd193a0273ab298c5560e57c2f7fa78.jpg
Mr Ed would never have used such profanities (oh Wilbur).
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/505441843_1145253894298849_6267370028911017351_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s600x600_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=9_U3jFHmyYwQ7kNvwE-p0bR&_nc_oc=AdnOEYI-MvtmpJS-rMk-7eJGEaMeQCgtbKSfXHWXnNQ0ft78tAoErsxavaGUldlnQTpaff 20oqEOGhCeOcgb8P9w&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=cu8mRS7eQU5V7pItO9FDEw&oh=00_AfO1zLHiaqx0gbJbgEg0z2jImjP9-k_HzEobdHgtSn6P7g&oe=68528AFC
Image not working for me. :scratch:
Firebottle
08-08-2025, 06:35
:lol:
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/505441843_1145253894298849_6267370028911017351_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s600x600_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=9_U3jFHmyYwQ7kNvwE-p0bR&_nc_oc=AdnOEYI-MvtmpJS-rMk-7eJGEaMeQCgtbKSfXHWXnNQ0ft78tAoErsxavaGUldlnQTpaff 20oqEOGhCeOcgb8P9w&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=cu8mRS7eQU5V7pItO9FDEw&oh=00_AfO1zLHiaqx0gbJbgEg0z2jImjP9-k_HzEobdHgtSn6P7g&oe=68528AFC
The pdf for your image is not working for me. Are you able to provide an alternative link?
I posted from my iPad, but will try again from my PC…
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20250808/e8f59ef35399721f1b7fc95d72a6b6cb.jpg
Can you see it now Barry?
A man enters the confessional and tells the priest “I almost had an affair with another woman.”
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The man said, "Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped!" The priest said, "Rubbing against each other is like getting into each other. You'll never see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box!"
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked toward the poor box. He paused for a moment, then began to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, ran to him and said, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Yes, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
Firebottle
10-08-2025, 06:37
:rfl:
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my grandpa's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.”
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/561360578_1372477377569666_6906863015389270248_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_s720x720_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=833d8c&_nc_ohc=R-N5uX21mLMQ7kNvwGVMD1K&_nc_oc=AdnXuvs5up8KgxQF6YmyHa11N2mPvnwZOW4KUohaSdj FClPcYfk0mwjUwmCO2KRwI6nAGz4DLmKy9LkzSHXdbPeN&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=h89n5CSAua8JfqKO5w0kcQ&oh=00_AfdET5rqlLG3FapLyvAczd3YLcclnOoxZWXt4uOeI-5l4w&oe=68F9939F
Brothers, this made me chuckle...
https://scontent-man2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/571801636_1360132595460701_1066635287672447198_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_p526x296_tt6&_nc_cat=1&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=DF5q9OBpm48Q7kNvwE1jNGp&_nc_oc=AdlqU8BWLXCt_9yVzSOcxLNn_6Ff0ZpE3phvNL-lgLTnojgG1bOpblvwkwHC76TH8CkTKKrUkTjXFjCVf0Mmbvo9&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-man2-1.xx&_nc_gid=A2RWKE9kzEO4BrUTWpV4DA&oh=00_AffZQJseXUUrnloDXrnzKJY5I9rxszaBt7RkPMkwCidy Uw&oe=690B1758
A young nurse was asked to give a sponge bath to a bedridden man who was wearing an oxygen mask. She was diligently carrying out her task when the man in the mask asked her a question. She politely continued without answering, then the man asked a little louder “Nurse, are my testicles black?” This time she couldn't pretend she hadn't heard but she was worried about being drawn into a compromising situation so she gave him a disapproving look and continued washing. The man persisted this time trying to sit up on his elbows “Nurse, please, are my testicles black?” This time she couldn't ignore him so carefully removing the sheet, she cupped and examined his testicles. With a slightly frosty retort she said that testicles looked fine to her.
The man ever so carefully pulled aside his oxygen mask and asked “Nurse, are my test results back?” before flopping back on the bed.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem – how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, ‘Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane’
The farmer said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.’
The old lady suggested, ‘Why don’t you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand’
‘Why thank you very much,’ he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says ‘Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.’
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, ‘I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?’
The farmer said, ‘Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?’
The old lady replied…… ‘Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.
Oh that's a good one. :lol:
Three ducks walk into a bar and the bartender asks the first duck, “Hello, what’s your name, how are you, and what would you like to drink?”
The duck responds, “My name is, Quack, and I’ve had a wonderful day going in and out of puddles!”
So the bartender gives the first duck his drink and moves on to the second duck asking him the same question, “Hello, what’s your name, how are you, and what would you like to drink?”
The duck responds, “My name is, Quack Quack, and I’ve also had a wonderful day going in and out of puddles!”
The bartender gives the second duck his drink and moves on to the third duck saying, “Let me guess, your name is, Quack Quack Quack, and you’ve also had a wonderful day going in and out of puddles?”
The duck looks at him with a sad expression and says, “No my name is, Puddles, and I’ve had a fucking awful day!”
Spotted on a local Facebook page - amazing what you can buy online these days!
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20260109/8696494280264fe19dc4bfd7c88681e8.jpg
I'm sure it is possible to procure some much closer to home, but maybe not such a large quantity.
Reminds me of the apocryphal tale of how the group '10CC' got their name. :D
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20260113/9272d0bb7618cfbc2741d06e47c72d7e.jpg
An elderly man spots a stall offering helicopter rides for £50 at the village fête.
He turns to his wife and says, “I’m not getting any younger, and I’ve always wanted to go up in a helicopter.”
His wife snaps back, “Absolutely not! Fifty quid is fifty quid. You don’t need a helicopter ride.”
The following year, they’re back at the fête. He sees the helicopter again and asks once more. Same answer.
The year after that — same thing. And the year after that.
Eventually, he finds himself at the helicopter stall again and says to the pilot, “I don’t know if I’ll be around next year. I’ve always wanted to ride in a helicopter, but my wife won’t allow it because of the cost.”
The pilot says, “Tell you what — I’ll take you both up for free. But there’s one rule: if either of you says a single word, I charge you the fifty quid.”
The man excitedly tells his wife. After a moment’s thought, she agrees.
Up in the air, the pilot does every wild manoeuvre imaginable — dives, spins, drops — everything short of crashing. Not a peep from either of them.
When they land, the pilot turns to the man and says, “I’m amazed. I threw everything at you and you didn’t say a word.”
The man replies, “Yeah, I thought about saying something when Doris fell out, but 50 quid is 50 quid.”
Pigmy Pony
22-05-2026, 05:29
I remember my old dad saying "When one door closes another door opens". He was a great man, my dad. But a terrible joiner.
Reminded me of this one:
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" Lovely woman; terrible surgeon.
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20260527/0cf92a1c14c0138d1458dc3e1da8b4f6.jpg
:lol:
Maelstrom
28-05-2026, 07:36
Morning all. I know, I know – it's been a while. Life got in the way, and more recently, a very comfortable armchair and a certain pair of Wharfedales made it very hard to reach the keyboard.
I was having a clear-out the other day and found a notebook from my first foray into hi-fi back in the '80s. Proper little engineer, I was. I'd written down the exact specifications for my dream speaker cables, including the precise gauge of copper and the angle at which the strands should be woven.
Anyway, all this thinking about our beloved hobby reminded me of an old classic. It's a bit like the one that goes around about us lot, and it fits this place perfectly:
First audiophile: "I hear Joe died."
Second audiophile: "I didn't know that. What did he have?"
First audiophile: "Oh, Marantz, Linn, Krell, Vandersteen."
I promise I'll be back properly soon. The system is singing, the rug is down, and I'm just about ready to stop listening long enough to write something coherent about it all.
Hope you're all well.
:lol: Good one Alistair!
Glad to hear it's all working well. What are your thoughts on having vinyl playback in your new system?
Maelstrom
29-05-2026, 07:50
:lol: Good one Alistair!
Glad to hear it's all working well. What are your thoughts on having vinyl playback in your new system?
Ah, thanks for remembering. I've thought about it quite a bit, but I've decided to stick with streaming for now – and probably for good.
A few reasons: First, I'm genuinely so happy with the current system that I don't feel the pull to add another box. Second, the more I looked into turntables, the deeper the rabbit hole went – cartridges, phono stages, alignment, cleaning records... I'm retired and I want to listen, not tinker. Third, the Joni Mitchell record my daughter-in-law gave me is now a lovely piece of wall art in my listening room. She understood completely when I explained.
So no turntable. The WiiM and Rega are giving me all the music I need.
Thanks for asking though – it was a fun week of pretending I might go vinyl!
Alistair
Ah, thanks for remembering. I've thought about it quite a bit, but I've decided to stick with streaming for now – and probably for good.
A few reasons: First, I'm genuinely so happy with the current system that I don't feel the pull to add another box. Second, the more I looked into turntables, the deeper the rabbit hole went – cartridges, phono stages, alignment, cleaning records... I'm retired and I want to listen, not tinker. Third, the Joni Mitchell record my daughter-in-law gave me is now a lovely piece of wall art in my listening room. She understood completely when I explained.
So no turntable. The WiiM and Rega are giving me all the music I need.
Thanks for asking though – it was a fun week of pretending I might go vinyl!
Alistair
Your reply was to be expected; especially after all the advice we all gave. It makes total sense.
Now all we await is to see some pictures of your set up in your listening room - rug included! :)
Cheers
Barry
Glad to "hear" your still enjoying the new system, Alistair. I can totally see why you've decided to skip vinyl (for now! ;))
This made me laugh - could be a worthy upgrade for all of us! :D
https://scontent-lhr8-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/708987503_27959514626971794_4382980186314604734_n. jpg?stp=dst-jpg_p552x414_tt6&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=aa7b47&_nc_ohc=aqCpMrae62gQ7kNvwGmNq78&_nc_oc=AdqrxeCoUYww9e3pPXpZWqBCeycS9F8H5BAiWtfoO-DOFBpRmbAQhOsmS6GPR8B-F0hveAwsWqzqV07vVt2Zajr6&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-2.xx&_nc_gid=zo-vy0zKRN8QzJicLOkg9A&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_Af6U3fPM3zro1uvZiP3vViddfYeWfdO4Az573T2N10a-Vw&oe=6A1F2FB3
Glad to "hear" your still enjoying the new system, Alistair. I can totally see why you've decided to skip vinyl (for now! ;))
This made me laugh - could be a worthy upgrade for all of us! :D
https://scontent-lhr8-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/708987503_27959514626971794_4382980186314604734_n. jpg?stp=dst-jpg_p552x414_tt6&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=aa7b47&_nc_ohc=aqCpMrae62gQ7kNvwGmNq78&_nc_oc=AdqrxeCoUYww9e3pPXpZWqBCeycS9F8H5BAiWtfoO-DOFBpRmbAQhOsmS6GPR8B-F0hveAwsWqzqV07vVt2Zajr6&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr8-2.xx&_nc_gid=zo-vy0zKRN8QzJicLOkg9A&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_Af6U3fPM3zro1uvZiP3vViddfYeWfdO4Az573T2N10a-Vw&oe=6A1F2FB3
Are they directional? :D
Are they directional? :D
:lol:
. . . the more I looked into turntables, the deeper the rabbit hole went – cartridges, phono stages, alignment, cleaning records... I'm retired and I want to listen, not tinker.
Alistair
Yeah, do not do that, that's a very, very deep rabbit hole Alistair. But . . I haven't ever felt the need to go down that rabbit hole, I hate tinkering and it actually stresses me out. You don't need a phono stage, the Elex has a very good one - you don't need to align anything if you buy a Rega P3 with a Rega cartridge and I've never cleaned a record in 67 years of being alive. I don't play records often, I'm currently restoring my turntable so I'm not playing anything at the moment, but it's nice to be able to when I want to. Having said that I do have about 300 LPs already, so don't have the cost of buying a new collection.
I wouldn't dismiss the idea 100%, put it on the back burner for a year or two and don't whatever you do ask a vinyl first audiophile for advice about a turntable, your head will explode! You can enjoy playing records without stressing about it, I do it and I believe when it's setup Martin (Macca) has a stock Technics SL-1200 he's happy with, without needing to tinker with it :D
So it is possible to enjoy playing records without doing all you've listed above, but if you just want to play music, the streaming system you have right now is pretty darned good and better than most of the population.
Enjoy your retirement it's great isn't it.
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20260601/8174fdccf2461f85486bceb9a702099e.jpg
Stolen from Facebook but some of the expressions in here are classic! (“Banged more time than Arkwright’s till” :lol: )
The Bexley Gazette Guide To Gloatbook:
What women post on Facebook, and what they REALLY mean.
‘OUT OUT with my partner in crime’
(And it’s just fucking Sandra.
And Sandra has never done anything even slightly unpredictable or remotely exciting in her life, let alone committed a crime, in fact she’s so dull her face could turn a funeral procession up a side street)
Absolutely luuuurve my new Range Rover, thank you hubby, love you heaps babes. Xxxxx
(Oh Fucking deep joy, my complete Dinlo of an old man has strapped us up with yet another 4 years worth of a grand-a-month in lease payments just so he can play Charlie big bollox at Birchwood pitch and putt with all the other divorced cockwombles)
Just cooked the most totes amazeballs dinner (insert photo of something you might see on a bushtucker trial or the contents of a stomach autopsy) can’t wait to snuggle down with my handsome man and eat it!
(hope the lazy, stinking, selfish, narcissistic, sociopath chokes on it…and actually, I didn’t cook it at all, Its a microwave meal from the value range at Iceland that I warmed up then put on a plate so you will all think I am some sort of a Nigella style domestic goddess)
“Wowzers..!! suitcase packed & off on our lovely 5star holibobs with my amazeballs husband and wonderful children..City airport business class lounge here we come!”
(It’s Sharm El-Sheikh, the spiritual home of food poisoning, we’re flying with Ryanair.
“Sooooo super proud of my little Jayden, he’s passed his driving test at the 7th attempt! Where’s that time gone??”
(The mono-syllabic little twat is as thick as gravel soup and on the rare occasions he does say anything barely coherent it’s in some sort of bizarre half-Jamaican accent, I honestly should have had the little hood-rat adopted)
“Had the most increds night with my fav chicks!! So Love my girlies!”
(spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for my recently dumped & intensely irritating friend, who in the past has been banged more than Arkwright’s till, in fact her G-spot is on google maps, I then had to stop the desperate cow from shagging a bus driver from Erith, before holding her hair while she projectile vomited £45 worth of tequila rose through her nose, I am never going out with that attention seeking whore again)
“OMG!! Just had the most fab bath complete with Jo Malone candles!!”
(This Fucking bathroom is filthier than a Wetherspoons carpet, there’s urine all over the floor because the old man pisses indiscriminately like an American fighter pilot and this fucking Hope & Glory gift set that his mad mother bought me last Christmas has given my fanny a rash)
“Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!”
(because the 3 overbread cocker-doodledoo’s I bought during lockdown ran off around Danson park, rolled in foxes shit and it took me 5 miles to catch the bastard things)
“Had a lovely time with all the famalam today!”
(what was most lovely about it was when the cranky high maintenance loons went home & I’m telling you, if his creepy Dad pats me on the arse once more I swear I’ll have the pervy old bastard nicked)
“Intense gym workout at David Lloyd done!!”
(Fuck all, I’ve done absolutely fuck all except eat an industrial size bar of fruit and nut & a family pack of Doritos while watching loose women, I currently have the BMI of a Hippo & my blood type is Nutella)
“Off to see a “bestie” friend of mine that I haven’t seen since school!”
(really hope she is grey, still much fatter, looks older than me, and that absolute string she’s married to, who is the human equivalent of a wet dressing gown sleeve, isn’t with her)
“Going to have a lovely relaxing early night with hubby in our new John Lewis Egyptian cotton sheets!”
(I’m up those stairs and asleep double sharpish as the old man is feeling amorous again after clocking Holly Willoughby on TV and believe you me, there’s as much chance of Oscar Pistorius getting a verruca as there is him seeing any action)
''Sharm El-Sheikh, the spiritual home of food poisoning''
:lol:
It's taken over from Tunisia.
Old but gold from Viz…
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20260615/13e2c8921c3ac9fcca501e747dc59f98.jpg
Pigmy Pony
16-06-2026, 07:00
:lol: Reminds me of that old Bob Monkhouse one: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad, not yelling and screaming like the passengers on his bus".
I bought a 2nd hand guitar off Adam Ant.
It was £30, but he said for an extra £10 he’ll throw in a Stand and Deliver.
(Thanks to Popbitch for that one!)
Pigmy Pony
18-06-2026, 18:02
:D Proper dad joke. Just a shame that only dads (and mums) will have any idea who Adam Ant is/was.
https://scontent-lhr11-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/733187290_2790330428020263_3214888536919793137_n.j pg?stp=dst-jpg_tt6&cstp=mx768x827&ctp=p180x540&_nc_cat=101&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=aa7b47&_nc_ohc=GMOcpW01kJoQ7kNvwHn2Y_R&_nc_oc=AdoIQ-1do8wM_aePPUYKyVOHBhCdYgKdxUNusetjTeLklRw4-HjNvoC8s7bSmZ1c1ksLuRFv0vdqNmBXNI8NzQ-M&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr11-1.xx&_nc_gid=CQ7Eip-mly2vuh6nnmS4Jw&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_AQBR4VLpE-JAInjXBOW-ZYMaAd65Fa1I87FKbKXdPjZwwQ&oe=6A49668E
Love it! :lol:
Not only is it funny, it's clean as well. Thanks Alex. :)
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