Jokes & Funnies

[pjdowns]

My brother in law just sent me this.

By Pam Ayres of course
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (a husbands point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag; T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed, An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope; And her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And began to strip, Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week; Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer; And things then from bad to worse;she toppled of her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said I am a dominater!! Now if you knew our Mabel You'd see just why I spluttered,
I 'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered, She stood there nude and naked bent forward just a bit;
I went to hold her, sensual like a nd stood on her left tit! Mabel screamed,her teeth shot out; My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one!! Well readers, I can tell no ore; Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey.

LOL very good

[synsei]

The thing is, I could hear Pam narrating that in my head as I was reading it, which made it even funnier

[pjdowns]

The thing is, I could hear Pam narrating that in my head as I was reading it, which made it even funnier

[Jonboy]

The thing is, I could hear Pam narrating that in my head as I was reading it, which made it even funnier

me to

[Barry]

And me.

[synsei]

When a Virgin train enters a tunnel for the first time does it lose its virginity?

[pjdowns]

When a Virgin train enters a tunnel for the first time does it lose its virginity?

[electric beach]

How many Audiofools does it take to change a light bulb?

Not many but they take bloody forever! Too much debate about what material the steps are to be made from, building tweaky suction cups to hold the bulb without touching the glass, should we mount the steps on castors? Hold the bulb still and rotate the steps? Should the castors have brass bearings for efficient transfer of energy?..... whatever - get a woman to do it. Or a vertically challenged guy on a trampoline, that would be funnier

[bobbasrah]

From another forum....

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood.. What do you say to that ?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"

[pjdowns]

From another forum....

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood.. What do you say to that ?"

The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"

that made me