Jokes & Funnies

[Alex_UK]

Oh that is just fantastic!

[steveinfrance]

Might as well get the political incorrectness out of the way
Two mothers comparing photos of their sons

First mother
'This is my Akhbar when he was fifteen. 2 years later he went to paradise in the Jihad'.



Second mother
'And this was my little Abdullah when he was sixteen.
Like your dear Akhbar he has gone to paradise for the cause'.

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First mother
'Ah, children today, they blow up so quickly'.



and two of the funniest movies on youtube (in my umble) if you haven't already seen them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iE...eature=related
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvDDDKnNhuE&NR=1

[sparrow]

You would have thought Andy Murray would have won wimbeldon..His shirt sponsor was Viagra which should always help you get past the Semi's..

coat on..

[Ducatiist]

Hope this one is ok

Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road. Paddy picks it up and says "I know that face, but I just cant put a name to it"

Murphy grab the mirror, takes a look and shouts "Ye daft bastard, its me!!!"

Well I thought it was funny!!!

[Alex_UK]

Not sure if this is in unacceptable taste land - but it made me laugh, and is certainly more tasteful than some of the inevitable Amy Winehouse ones that have been going around.

Q: How does Stephen Hawking refresh himself at the end of a long day?
A: F5

[WAD62]

Something overheard at the pub last night, perhaps not the most PC of jokes...

"What do we want?!"

"A cure for Turrets!!"

"When do we want it?!"

"C*nt!!!"

[webby]

Something overheard at the pub last night, perhaps not the most PC of jokes...

"What do we want?!"

"A cure for Turrets!!"

"When do we want it?!"

"C*nt!!!"

Love it!

[Reid Malenfant]

Damn wrong to as they have breathing problems

Ok...

The Body

When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be Boss
The Brain said that "I am the Boss for I control Everything".
The Feet said "we should be Boss, we carry him about & get him to the position he wants".
The Hands said "we should be Boss, we do all the work & earn the money".
And so it went on Heart, Lungs & Eyes.
Until finally, the Arsehole spoke up demanding to be Boss.
All other parts of the body laughed at the idea of the Arsehole being Boss.
The Arsehole was very angry indeed at this & decided to show who was Boss, so it went on strike - blocked itself up & refused to work.
Within a short time the Brain became feverish:
the Eyes crossed;
the Hands clenched;
the Feet twitched;
the Lungs & Heart were struggling, so they all pleaded with the Brain to let the Arsehole be Boss.

This motion was passed - all other parts of the body did the work while the Arsehole, as Boss, just sat & passed out loads of shit.



The moral of this is:
You do not need to be a brain to be the boss, just an arsehole.

[DaveK]

They say the old ones ^ are the best
Dave.

[Jonboy]

Politically Correct:

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so we'll try this:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African went to a night club.







The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."