Tell Me Something............Anything!

[Pigmy Pony]

Brad Pitt still has rich kid's hair, although I saw that ad again and I suppose it could be a wig. That's a bridge too far for me, although if you're in the entertainment business maybe it's acceptable. I mean you've got Sinatra and Connery as examples there.

If I were to get a wig it might look something like this - no one would suspect it was something you'd pay for.

[Pigmy Pony]

Well my conker-foraging didn't go that well - place has changed so much, most of the access was barred by stinging nettles and giant hog weeds (there were signs warning the public about them). Then I came across a swarm of ground-nesting wasps who didn't seem very pleased to see me. Got out of there sharpish with a handful of conkers, the largest of which weighed in at 29g. So no record-breakers there.

Next year I'll try the place I used to go to as a kid, but as it's a private school these days I'll have to borrow a dog so I don't look like a predator. I remember the conkers there being really big, but it might just have been my ten year-old hands making them seem big.

[Barry]

Well you have done better than me. The heaviest conker I have found this autumn weighs a paltry 24.8g.

What has surprised me though this year is the number of 'promising' cases, which when opened contain twins; each weighing around 20g. A big disappointment!

So the unofficial record still stands at 33.7g.

[Barry]

The World Conker Championships are held every year on the second Sunday in October at Southwick, Northamptonshire.

The organisers are concerned that because of the hot summer this year, horse chestnuts have matured early and hence are smaller than usual.

That would explain my difficulty in finding any of a decent size, but it doesn't explain the profusion of 'twins'.

[Pigmy Pony]

Yeah, conker twins are always a disappointment. Always undersize and I don't like their shape. Women manage to have normal shaped twins, even triplets, and apart from making more noise seem perfectly fine. Horse chestnut trees need to up their game, it's just not good enough.

I'll just have to try a different site for conker-picking next time - the years haven't been kind to my "usual" spot. Access was via an embankment with a deadly steep gradient, the only alternative meant squeezing past two tents which looked like it contained homeless folk (I'm guessing they weren't there on holiday because of all the litter and no one playing swingball), and I didn't want to risk stumbling across their al fresco toilet.

If I get a chance I'll try the private school - I'll go Saturday or Sunday so I won't be scaring any kids.

[Macca]

I'll just have to try a different site for conker-picking next time - the years haven't been kind to my "usual" spot. Access was via an embankment with a deadly steep gradient, the only alternative meant squeezing past two tents which looked like it contained homeless folk (I'm guessing they weren't there on holiday because of all the litter and no one playing swingball), and I didn't want to risk stumbling across their al fresco toilet.

At least they picked somewhere out of the way to pitch their tents. Loads of tree covered waste ground round here where you could put a tent and no-one would bother you. Where do they pitch up? In the bushes right outside the Sainsbury. Cops move them on before they've even had a chance to chuck their pie wrappers out.

[Alex_UK]

I’m hoping to try Ixworth next week, although my Calendar is getting pretty busy, so may be the week after…

[Pigmy Pony]

You'll need to get your skates on Alex, the squirrels are busy stocking up their larders for winter. Worse than that, I found the best conkers had bits bitten out of them by the little shitbags.

[Pigmy Pony]

Yesterday I was talking about conkers with a customer (this is what I do when I'm supposed to be working), and he told me his wife had a go at making soap with them. Apparently they do have very good detergent properties, but I really couldn't be arsed, I'll stick with Dove.

[Barry]

Yesterday I was talking about conkers with a customer (this is what I do when I'm supposed to be working), and he told me his wife had a go at making soap with them. Apparently they do have very good detergent properties, but I really couldn't be arsed, I'll stick with Dove.

So will I!