Jokes & Funnies

[Primalsea]

Two pikey women are stealing carrots from a farmers field when one of them pulls a huge great carrot from the ground.

"That reminds me of my old man's cock" she remarked.

"what is it, the length or the thickness that makes you think that" the other woman said.

"neither, it's that it's covered in dirt" the first one replied.

[quadsugdenman]

The Queen has just given Sarah Ferguson her birthday present, a big black Mercedes and............................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................. a trip to a Paris hotel via the underpass network!!!!!!!

[electric beach]

I send £2 to a starving african and what does he do? Buys a flippin' trumpet!

[Alex_UK]

I send £2 to a starving african and what does he do? Buys a flippin' trumpet!

That is a bit naughty, but very funny!

[Rare Bird]

The Queen has just given Sarah Ferguson her birthday present, a big black Mercedes and............................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................. a trip to a Paris hotel via the underpass network!!!!!!!

[retro]

Do you know the difference between a friend and a good friend?
A friend will help you, and a good friend will help you remove the body...

[Rare Bird]

Man naked, Looks in the mirror and says to his wife ''Why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself?''..Wife says ''Coz even your cock thinks your a c*nt...

[Jonboy]

I liked that one

[Alex_UK]

Old Jokes Home:

Q: What is a pirate's favourite shop?
A: Arrrrrrrgos.



Well I thought it was funny, thanks Popbitch...

RIP H from Steps?

[Alex_UK]

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words. There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.