Confronting your own realities...

[Clive]

I have my own room too but my teenage kids complain that late at night they can hear the bass. I'm in the cellar, they are on the 2nd floor. (4 floors in total)

[Marco]

It's all about compromise and no she doesn't get all the say on bathrooms or kitchens.

Shuggz, I agree totally, and this question isn't directed at you in particular, but isn't it often the case that, as far as the hi-fi is concerned, wifes makes far less compromises than husbands do in the areas which matter most to their wives?

It's certainly what I've witnessed most over the years in other people's lives. I'd like to know why? IMO, decision making should be a 50-50 split across the board, providing both people are contributing equally to the costs and running of the house, not one person dictating to the other where the hi-fi should go and what it should consist of - no offence.

Compromise in a relationship is a two-way street, not a 'Give Way to oncoming traffic' when your wife returns home from shoe shopping with more carrier bags than she can safely manage through the door!

Marco.

[Mr. C]

These are genuine questions, and are not loaded in any way.
Marco, on your point of the English issue of er indoors has a lot of the clout in the house hold, I would beg to differ going on the experiences we haver had with our European clients, seems Europe is not much different in that respect.
Another question here from the group, this is not meant in any way to be insulating or wise.
Would you mind listing your age please, I'll start Mr .C is 42.

[shuggz]

Shuggz, I agree totally, and this question isn't directed at you in particular, but isn't it often the case that, as far as the hi-fi is concerned, wifes makes far less compromises than husbands do in the areas which matter most to their wives?

It's certainly what I've witnessed most over the years in other people's lives. I'd like to know why? IMO, decision making should be a 50-50 split across the board, providing both people are contributing equally to the costs and running of the house, not one person dictating to the other where the hi-fi should go and what it should consist of - no offence.

Compromise in a relationship is a two-way street, not a 'Give Way to oncoming traffic' when your wife returns home from shoe shopping with more carrier bags than she can safely manage through the door!

Marco.

No offence taken, she's considerably more understanding than some I've met, one poor chap I know has had to loose 6k's worth of kit, for a mini all in one system, all to keep his Mrs happy.

Why does it happen, I guess some folk just want an easy life and not have to sleep with one eye open.

[Marco]

Moi is 43 D.O.B: 14th August 1965.

Oh, and I know where you're coming from Tony. I guess it boils down to what your particular experiences are. Mine are obviously rather different from yours, particularly when it comes to Italian men and women, where men, how shall I put it, are somewhat 'old-fashioned' when it comes to roles in marriages and relationships.

Trust me, I speak with much experience here, and not necessarily in terms of my own marriage

Marco.

[Marco]

No offence taken, she's considerably more understanding than some I've met, one poor chap I know has had to loose 6k's worth of kit, for a mini all in one system, all to keep his Mrs happy.

Why does it happen, I guess some folk just want an easy life and not have to sleep with one eye open.

Jeez. I find the first bit very sad and the second bit very shocking!

Why do people marry these types of women in the first place, and most importantly, why do they sit back and become victims of that sort of behaviour?

I have a very close, loving, relationship with my wife, where we both see each other as equals. We've been happily married for 18 years. We decide everything together, in fact do most things together, but no-one is 'the boss'. We both respect each other too much for that. I'm sure that those here who know Del and I would vouch for that

That's the way it should always be, and for the life of me I can't see why anyone would settle for anything less, other than if it was to protect the interests of kids, but even that, IMO, isn't really a good enough reason to muddle through such an unhappy relationship unless the children concerned were very young.

Deep and thoughtful today? You betcha!

I'm sorry, but that poor chap you described above is just a mug. What I find most bizarre though is that WAF, certainly here in the UK, seems to be a universal 'given' - an established fact, almost, that is just tolerated and accepted, such that phrases in relation to hi-fi equipment as: "she wont let me", "I'm not allowed to", or "I must have such and such or she'll go mental", etc, have become almost the norm. How weird and more than slightly loopy...

I gave up being bossed around like that when I was a kid. There are too many subservient little wallflowers around, I feel...

Marco.

[Beechwoods]

I'm struggling to see what age has to do with WAF compliance There are things like lack of space and money that might justifiably prohibit certain combinations of kit but if it's your passion and you're not spending the kid's college money then... well... every man needs his shed!

I have friends both young and old in healthy and longterm relationships that allow for obsessive collections and decent Hi-Fi... so age isn't a factor as far as I can see...

PS... Like Clive the only thing I have to watch is waking the kids up with the volume (I get the loft and they're below me )

[shuggz]

Jeez. I find the first bit very sad and the second bit very shocking!

Why do people marry these types of women in the first place, and most importantly, why do they sit back and become victims of that sort of behaviour?

I have a very close, loving, relationship with my wife, where we both see each other as equals. We've been happily married for 18 years. We decide everything together, in fact do most things together, but no-one is 'the boss'. We both respect each other too much for that. I'm sure that those here who know Del and I would vouch for that

That's the way it should always be, and for the life of me I can't see why anyone would settle for anything less, other than if it was to protect the interests of kids, but even that, IMO, isn't really a good enough reason to muddle through such an unhappy relationship unless the children concerned were very young.

Deep and thoughtful today? You betcha!

I'm sorry, but that poor chap you described above is just a mug. What I find most bizarre though is that WAF, certainly here in the UK, seems to be a universal 'given' - an established fact, almost, that is just tolerated and accepted, such that phrases in relation to hi-fi equipment as: "she wont let me", "I'm not allowed to", or "I must have such and such or she'll go mental", etc, have become almost the norm. How weird and more than slightly loopy...

I gave up being bossed around like that when I was a kid. There are too many subservient little wallflowers around, I feel...

Marco.

Marco

Well I told him he was nuts, but he's besotted with her and apparently she makes up for control freakery in other ways

I guess me and the Mrs get on because both of us are realistic enough to recognise our own frailties, plus we both believe that relationships are either parasitic or symbiotic, not romantic but true nonetheless.

Anyway my normal riposte to my other half when she questions my behaviour is ' there was only one perfect man in this world and we nailed him to a cross' the replies are always quite entertaining, like 'bugger off Beelzebub'

[Spectral Morn]

When I was in retail, right at the start. I was told I had to help move a system from a house to a new house. The customer was a woman (rare). I took the kit down to the new house. She led me to the room. " I want this set up to sound the best,carte blanch." I did as instructed and it sounded brilliant. Her husband came into the room looked at the position of the speakers and the thick heavy cables running across the floor. " You can't have that, those speakers there"he points at them and then the cables "And those there ......" She looks at him and says" Shut up dear, This is where its going, and thats that. And if you don't like it, then you will have to move your Motor Bike collection from the Garage and I'll have that instead" He slopped off ...... Talk about role reversal.


When working in the brown goods trade a lady had been coming in and talking to me about TV's. She fancied a big 32 in Dolby Digital Toshiba 100 htz set and DVD player. She brought her husband and family in on a Saturday afternoon. Talk about bored he was not interested. I did my talk and she lost it with him. "why do we need that, lets go."he said. "This is for me" she said. She turned to me, apologized for her husband and bought the lot, on the spot.


This has happened only twice in 20 years. Maybe women are more choosy about what they get OCD about. This has usually a practical side (in their eyes). Looking good (shoes, clothes, handbags etc) and the appearance of the house. Nerdy Women are rare (why?), perhaps because they for the most part grow up and us(men), in many cases don't ? I wonder why that seems to be the case? Men do like their toys/interests more than women(that they let on). It may be that children become the focus for women and keeping up with the jones and audio just doesnt figure at all. Different priorities.

Anyway, I am truly blessed by my wife. She allows me to do what I want. She will ask " Do you really need it ?" every so often, but thats it. I don't smoke, don't drink and don't have any children. And audio is only one of many interests I have. Age 43.

Regards D S D L----Neil

[John]

Maybe its true
"Men are for Mars and woman from Venus"