Trade: Northwest Analogue
Location: Preston, UK
Posts: 851
I'm Dominic.
Cheeky lolololololOriginally Posted by Barry
Paul, aren't you confusing Valentine's Day with Mothering Sunday?
The way things are going, our jokes page is becoming as 'blue' as that of Hi Fi Wigwam!
I used to think the 'laddish' humour might be offensive to our female members, but it would seem AoS's resident Agony Aunt doesn't mind (too much)!
Natalie
Senior Member
Location: NW London
Posts: 267
I'm paul.
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates….
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?', St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
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Bass Plonker
Trade: Northwest Analogue
Location: Preston, UK
Posts: 851
I'm Dominic.
Spotify + Facebook Moderator / Chilled-Out Wino and only here for the shilling
Location: Sunny Suffolk, UK
Posts: 18,523
I'm WrappingALilacCurtainAroundMyBobby.
It's taken two days, but I've finally worked out what upset my wife on Valentines day. I asked he what she'd like, and she said she'd like something black and lacy in a size 10. Turns out she didn't mean football boots.
Alex
Main System: Digital: HP Laptop/M2Tech Hiface/Logitech Media Server/FLAC; Marantz SA7001 KI Signature SACD Player and other digital stuff into Gatorised Beresford Caiman DAC Vinyl: Garrard 401/SME 3009 SII Improved/Sumiko HS/Nagaoka MP-30
Amplifier: Rega Brio R. Speakers: Spendor SP1. Cables: Various, mainly Mark Grant. Please see "about me" for the rest of my cr@p! Gallery
A.o.S. on Facebook - A.o.S. on Spotify - A.o.S. on Twitter
There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing Aristotle
Senior Member
Location: NW London
Posts: 267
I'm paul.
I was sitting in the pub with SWMBO and I said "I love you". She said "Is that you or the beer talking ?" I replied "It's me,I'm talking to the beer".
Bass Plonker
Practising Alcoholic
Location: Hove Actually
Posts: 3,947
I'm Imjustsurviving.
Jon
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
Set up
Lafayette el84 power amp , Audio note M1 pre , Tannoy Sterlings, Garrard 301 , SME 3012 , puresound P10, Ortofon SPU, Cambridge CXN streamer
Micro mega Duo 3 cd transport ,
Site Owner/Administrator
Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK
Posts: 110,460
I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.
Wife is getting ready for a night out and standing looking at herself in front of the mirror...
She turns to her husband despondently as says: "My hair is a mess, my face is full or wrinkles and I'm fat. Pay me a compliment, darling, to cheer me up!"
The husband thinks for a minute and replies: "Well, sweetheart, there's fuck all wrong with your eyesight!!"
Marco.
Main System
Turntable: Heavily-modified Technics SL-1210MK5G [Mike New bearing/ETP platter/Paul Hynes SR7 PSU & regulator mods]. Funk Firm APM Achromat with Nagaoka GL-601 Crystal Record Weight. Isonoe feet & boots. Ortofon RS-212D tonearm with Denon DL-103GL, in a Denon PCL-300 headshell, fitted with Funk Firm Houdini and Kondo SL-115 pure-silver cartridge leads.
Paul Hynes MC head amp/SR5 PSU. Also modded Lentek head amp and Denon AU-310 SUT.
Other Cartridges: Nippon Columbia (NOS 1987) Denon DL-103. USA-made Shure SC35C with NOS stylus. Goldring G820 with NOS stylus. Shure M55E with NOS stylus.
CD Player: Audiocom-modified Sony X-777ES/DAS-R1 DAC.
Tape Deck: Tandberg TCD 310, fully restored and recalibrated as new by RDE, plus upgraded with heads from the TCD-420a. Also with matching TM4 Norway microphones.
Preamps: Heavily-modified Croft Charisma-X. Power Amps: Tube Distinctions Copper Amp, fitted with Tungsol KT-150s. Quad 306.
Cables & Sundries: Mark Grant HDX1 interconnects and digital coaxial cable, plus Mark Grant 6mm UP-LCOFC Van Damme speaker cable. MCRU 'Ultimate' mains leads. Lehmann clone headphone amp with vintage Koss PRO-4AAA headphones.
Tube Distinctions digital noise filter. VPI HW16.5 record cleaning machine.
Speakers: Tannoy 15MGs in Lockwood cabinets with modified crossovers. 1967 Celestion Ditton 15.
Trade: 20/20 Audio
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 7,696
I'm Brian.
Love it mate . I'm gonna try that one to the wife and after I pick myself up off the floor I'll get back to you .
Brian.
Site Owner/Administrator
Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK
Posts: 110,460
I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.
Lol - let us know if she appreciates it or not!
Marco.
Main System
Turntable: Heavily-modified Technics SL-1210MK5G [Mike New bearing/ETP platter/Paul Hynes SR7 PSU & regulator mods]. Funk Firm APM Achromat with Nagaoka GL-601 Crystal Record Weight. Isonoe feet & boots. Ortofon RS-212D tonearm with Denon DL-103GL, in a Denon PCL-300 headshell, fitted with Funk Firm Houdini and Kondo SL-115 pure-silver cartridge leads.
Paul Hynes MC head amp/SR5 PSU. Also modded Lentek head amp and Denon AU-310 SUT.
Other Cartridges: Nippon Columbia (NOS 1987) Denon DL-103. USA-made Shure SC35C with NOS stylus. Goldring G820 with NOS stylus. Shure M55E with NOS stylus.
CD Player: Audiocom-modified Sony X-777ES/DAS-R1 DAC.
Tape Deck: Tandberg TCD 310, fully restored and recalibrated as new by RDE, plus upgraded with heads from the TCD-420a. Also with matching TM4 Norway microphones.
Preamps: Heavily-modified Croft Charisma-X. Power Amps: Tube Distinctions Copper Amp, fitted with Tungsol KT-150s. Quad 306.
Cables & Sundries: Mark Grant HDX1 interconnects and digital coaxial cable, plus Mark Grant 6mm UP-LCOFC Van Damme speaker cable. MCRU 'Ultimate' mains leads. Lehmann clone headphone amp with vintage Koss PRO-4AAA headphones.
Tube Distinctions digital noise filter. VPI HW16.5 record cleaning machine.
Speakers: Tannoy 15MGs in Lockwood cabinets with modified crossovers. 1967 Celestion Ditton 15.
Senior Member
Location: NW London
Posts: 267
I'm paul.
A woman walks into Tiffany's.
She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it behind equally flawless bullet proof glass.
As she bends over to inspect its flawlessness and size more closely, much to her horror she unexpectedly slips out a small, but very loud, and very obvious fart.
Embarrassed, she looks around to see if anyone noticed her indiscretion, and her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a Sales Consultant, immediately behind her.
Good looking, suave, tall, cool as a cucumber, and displaying all the qualities one would expect of a Tiffany's consultant. He smiles revealing perfectly straight white teeth and says "Good morning ma'am, is there anything I can help you with".
Blushing slightly, and still hoping he didn't notice her little indiscretion, she asks the consultant "ummm, yes... I was just looking at that stunning bracelet and was wondering about the price?"
The consultant replies "Are you absolutely certain of that Madam? Because if you farted when you saw it, you'll completely shit yourself when you hear the price".
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Bass Plonker
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