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Being from Ireland and having spent 16 years in England I find Irish jokes extremely tedious. I'm not offended by them, I'm just absolutely saturated by the subject.
About a week after I got off the plane at Heathrow.
No, we don't tell Irish jokes in Ireland. Or Kerryman jokes. It's a disciplinary to tell one in the workplace in the UK.
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies
"Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
There's a fish and chip shop in Belfast called "For Cod and Ulster"
This one's true, a relative of the people concerned told it to me.
In a small town called Newtownabbey a couples wedding was coming up and the Bride's Father got increasingly agitated.
He broke down and said to his wife "They can't get married, He's my love child".
Her reply "Don't worry, She's not your daughter".
RC
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