Jokes & Funnies

[Filterlab]

I guess it can be equated to how a lot of Germans are still unjustly treated due to a power hungry madman being in charge of their country over 60 years ago. The fact that Germans are friendly people living in a clean, safe and beautiful country seems to pass some folk by.

Anyway, back to the gags:

A Muslim, an Arab and Dick Cheney walk into a bar.......

[The Grand Wazoo]

I guess it can be equated to how a lot of Germans are still unjustly treated due to a power hungry madman being in charge of their country over 60 years ago. The fact that Germans are friendly people living in a clean, safe and beautiful country seems to pass some folk by.

Anyway, back to the gags:

A Muslim, an Arab and Dick Cheney walk into a bar.......

There you go.......that's it exactly.

An Irish Catholic priest told me this one......

Two Irish engineering students, Patrick and Seamus, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "5 metres" and then walked away.

Seamus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

[Filterlab]

Very good.

[Marco]

TGW,

The fact that it said "Shortly after 9/11 made it inflammatory.
The fact that it brands all Muslims as worthy of that sort of treatment makes it bigotted.

Maybe, but rather crucially I don't believe that was the motivation behind FF posting the joke or the result he intended, which is why I found your reaction somewhat OTT.

However let's leave it at that. Your last joke was indeed very funny!

Keep 'em coming...

Marco.

[The Grand Wazoo]

The motivation becomes irrelavent if the result is the same. Hopefully, because of my comments, next time there will be a little extra thought for the implications of what is being said.

If people are allowed to continue to spout this sort of stuff, whatever the motivation, there will always be a response. My response was calmly and logically thought through. Other people may have responded in very, very different ways. As I said before, that's how the problem is perpetuated.

I'm only interested in ensuring all decent people are treated equally and fairly.
I've said enough on this subject.

[The Grand Wazoo]

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "You had two beautiful twins..... a boy and a girl. The babies are fine now. However, they were gravely ill at birth and had to be christened immediately - your brother came in and named them.

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not me brother...he's a clueless eedjit".
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's my daughter's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother is somewhat relieved. "Thank God for that, that's a beautiful name. I have to take back every bad thought I had about my brother.....I like Denise."
Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"

" D’nephew"

[Filterlab]

Now that is good!

[Mike Reed]

Yup! That's a clever one. 'Pun' humour may not be unique, but is most certainly redolent of 'Britishness'.

Wonder if the North Americans have such an abundance of pun humour, as their language is essentially only a slight variation of British English. More accurate historically in one or two aspects, as well!

I understand that your excommunication papers are being prepared, TGW. Edict from Dublin

[The Grand Wazoo]

A passenger plane travelling from Sydney to California is suddenly hit with a severe engine problem and plummets into the Pacific Ocean.

The impact is such that the plane is ripped apart leaving few survivors. After hours of swimming Bruce spies an island and drags himself up onto the sandy shores.

Though he is half drowned, injured and aware that he is thousands of miles from home, he cannot but admire the beauty of the island he has found himself on.

Looking down the beach he sees a figure lying in the surf….. another survivor from the crash. He runs over and sees that she is not breathing, so quickly he gives her the kiss of life. After several attempts she coughs into life.

Then she wipes the hair from her face he now can see who it is...its Kylie Minogue!

Forever grateful to him for saving her life, they strike up an immediate bond, and over the following weeks, while stranded on the island, they fall madly in love.

One day Kylie is walking down the beach and notices her new found love sitting on the rocks by the beach, staring out to sea, with a look of sorrow on his face. She wanders over to him, and asks what is wrong. "Kylie," he says, "The last few weeks have been the greatest of my life. We've found this island paradise. We have all the food and water we could require, and I have you, but still I can't help feeling there's something missing."

Kylie replies: "What Bruce, my darling? What is it that you need? I'll do anything I can to help your life be complete".

"Weeeell.......... there is one thing. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"
"OK"
"And my trousers?"
"………………errrrr………..OK"

At this point he gets up and grabs some charcoal from the last night’s fire, and draws a neat moustache on her lips. "OK... That's it, it looks perfect. Now can you start to walk around the island, and I'll set off the other way and meet you half way."

"………..errrrrrrrrrr………..OK dear………………. if you’re sure it will make you happy"

So off they set. After an hour walking he eventually sees her in the distance, heading towards him along the beach, at which point he breaks into a sprint, runs up to her, grabs her by the shoulders and shouts:

"G’day mate….. you'll never believe who I'm shagging”

[BajaGringo]

Isn't that the truth????

Love your humor - bring 'em on...