Jokes & Funnies

[Barry]

Love it Al - keep them coming!

[Audio Al]

1587387604453 by , on Flickr

[Alex_UK]

[Vince]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch arsehole

[Vince]

I went to the pub last night and the barman asks what I wanted....so I said....surprise me.......He showed me a picture of my naked daughter.

[Vince]

Bloke walks into the Pub.....he says, "can I have a pint of Less please".
"Sorry Sir", says the barman looking puzzled. "Is that one of those European beers"?
"I've no idea replies the bloke....The doctor told me I should drink less"

[Vince]

A man walks into a hardware store dressed in painters overalls and asks for a bottle if white spirit. The proprietor looks at him and says "no you're that alcoholic bum that hangs around the street alley ways, you'll just drink this".
The man is shocked, "Oh no you're mistaken, that was the old me, I've now got a job doing painting and decorating. Why does every one automatically think of me as that old me"?
The hardware proprietor says, "you're right, I'm sorry for judging you on your past, would you like a litre bottle"?
"Thank you.....yes a litre bottle please. Do you have a cold one"?

[Vince]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician....? He worked it with a pencil

[Vince]

A man was on a date with a woman and they went back to her flat. Sitting on the couch he gently nibbled her ear and he whispered....you know, I'd like a little soft pussy.
She replied...so would I, mines like an enamel bucket.

[Vince]

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw!