Jokes & Funnies

[Discopants]

JOHN TRAVOLTA SUSPECTED OF HAVING CORONA VIRUS.

John Travolta was hospitalised for suspected Covid 19 but doctors now confirm it was only Saturday night fever, and they assure everyone that he is staying alive.

Apparently he was diagnosed because he had chills that were multiplying.


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[Alex_UK]

JOHN TRAVOLTA SUSPECTED OF HAVING CORONA VIRUS.

John Travolta was hospitalised for suspected Covid 19 but doctors now confirm it was only Saturday night fever, and they assure everyone that he is staying alive.

Apparently he was diagnosed because he had chills that were multiplying.


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[mr sneff]

[Marra]

I hear that all staff and passengers at John Lennon airport have been placed under quarantine.

Imagine all the people.

[Beobloke]

The British Government are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, it is anticipated that the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The British have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.



In addition, the virus has now been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Ruddy Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “A Ruddy Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



The Scots have raised their threat level from “Right Pished Off” to “Let's Get the Bassa”. These are the only two levels they have.

[Firebottle]

Brilliant, stiff upper lip and all that.

[struth]

Boris Johnston on who gets the respirator..

"Well, if you'll just bear with me, I think I've devised a fair and equitable system of choosing who should survive. It's based on age, rank, seniority, usefulness... to cut a long story short, it's me. I was as stunned as you are, which is why I demanded a recount. But blow me, if it didn't come out as me again!"

[Audio Al]

Boris Johnston on who gets the respirator..

"Well, if you'll just bear with me, I think I've devised a fair and equitable system of choosing who should survive. It's based on age, rank, seniority, usefulness... to cut a long story short, it's me. I was as stunned as you are, which is why I demanded a recount. But blow me, if it didn't come out as me again!"

Errr no thanks

[Discopants]

The British Government are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, it is anticipated that the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The British have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.



In addition, the virus has now been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Ruddy Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “A Ruddy Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



The Scots have raised their threat level from “Right Pished Off” to “Let's Get the Bassa”. These are the only two levels they have.

Lol


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[Beobloke]

In light of recent Coronavirus issues and the problem of people bulk-buying, a number of supermarkets have introduced limitations on purchases as follows:

Asda: 2 hand sanitisers, 24 toilet rolls max.
Tesco: 1 Hand sanitiser, 18 toilet rolls & 2kg rice.
Co-op: 1 Hand Sanitiser, 12 rolls toilet paper, 1kg rice.
Lidl: 2 Trumpets, one diving suit & one MIG welder.