Someone said get into vinyl but I think I made a horrible mistake. Oh and where do I stick the needle??
Someone also said I should grease my spindle and give it a polish too.
Printable View
Someone said get into vinyl but I think I made a horrible mistake. Oh and where do I stick the needle??
Someone also said I should grease my spindle and give it a polish too.
Jeremy Clarkson Quotes
"I 'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 and not driving it hard, is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you' ve got even half a scrotum it' s not going to happen."
·
· "We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it ' s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."
·
· About the Porsche Cayman S: "There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"
·
· "... the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany"
·
· " America: 250 million wankers living in a country with no word for wanker"
·
· Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn' t pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom"
·
· On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car: it begins with 's' and ends with 't' and its not "soot."
Hammond : "So its fairly terrible then?"
Clarkson: "Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another league of badness!"
·
· "Some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people - and that long before anyone else realised that Jade Goody is a racist pig faced waste of blood and organs............all we know, is that he's called the Stig!"
·
· "The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite"
·
· "Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you."
·
· "The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw."
·
· "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
·
· "The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler."
·
· (Fed up during the caravanning trip) "You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!"
·
· "This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'"
·
· On the Mercedes CLs55: "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."
·
· "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"
·
· Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."
·
· "I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off. What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating ninny'."
·
· " Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably because they don't have wheel-chair access."
·
· "If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in the air for 6 seconds and it does what Ebola does to you in 10 days in 10 years."
"Mandela just doesn't deserve his pedestal, I mean the blokes a bit dodgy."
On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy: "Well Mr Mandela why don't you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban prostitutes which way her parents voted?"
·
· "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!"
·
· On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."
·
· "Now as you can see I lost the battle to have two engines on the back because of three very important reasons. One - weight. This is 600 Lbs and that's the same as having a whole American sitting on the tailgate..."
·
· "I would still buy the DB9 over this, and save myself the £60,000. The problem with this car is its gearbox, it's just...."
Hammond : "THAT bad is it?"
Clarkson: "Oh no. Robert Mugabe is bad, this is in a whole different league."
·
· "In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was."
·
· "The DB9 has rear seats but no mammal yet created, not even when God was on the LSD trip that gave us the pink flamingo, could fit into them."
·
· Assessing Hammond ' s crash:
Clarkson: You can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!"
· Hammond : "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph."
· Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, if a lion walks in, I ' m going to notice it!"
·
· "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved...for a murderer."
·
· "I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time."
·
· "There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face."
·
· "Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some blokes sweaty face."
·
· "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps."
·
· "You can't have this car with a diesel, its like saying, i won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lapdance, she's a woman!"
·
· "Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President."
·
· On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis."
Brilliant, Mike! :lolsign:
Marco.
Can't stand the man. So why do I find myself agreeing with him all the time?
All excellent. If we had politicians like him and Nick Ferrari the country would be an excellent place.
This Nick Ferrari? : A friend of former Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie, Ferrari joined him at L!VE TV where he devised such programmes as Topless Darts, the News Bunny and the weather presented by a dwarf on a trampoline (fr. Wikipedia)Quote:
Originally Posted by Filterlab
Are you sure :mental::lol:
LOL! That's him! You might want to listen to his show on LBC, he's rather good at common sense. :)
An excerpt from the passage on his 'proper' career:
Quote:
In 1989, Ferrari was instrumental in setting up the Sky News channel, as the second person to be hired by Rupert Murdoch. Initially he was editor and then he was promoted to Vice President of News and Programming, of Fox TV in New York.
Answering Service
This is the transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
* If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
* If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
* If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
* If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.
* If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696.
* If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
* If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
* If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
* If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
* If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.
* If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
It's been around a while but I just love thishttp://www.funtab.com/Videos/401-jap...ommercial.html
Kevin
I was chatting to my wife's parents, and I told them I thought they they were like condoms.
"Ah," replied my father-in-law, with a sly wink, "I know this one - it's because we will protect you when things get hard, isn't it?"
"No," I replied, "it's because you are stuck up c#nts."
Arf! :lol:
Marco.
Where else but Wales can you get a fuck, a nice warm coat AND a casserole all from the same date.
That's a classic, I'm sure there was an audio recording of this one floating about at one point.Quote:
Originally Posted by Primalsea
Do you ever worry about the NHS?
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS
Greater Glasgow
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
Be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but
forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical
therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should
sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
was feeling better.
This isn't a joke, but I found it quite funny. It's a spam email I got today. I thought I'd share it before it hit the trash... it even included a free picture, which I share here for your delectation ;)
---
Hello my new friend.
It is my first letter on English. Sorry, if I made some mistake in words.
But I write you from my hand and don't use pre-written letters.
My name Ekaterina. I live in Russia, in city Saint-Petersburg.
I am 26 years old. If you think, that I am not serious don't make mistake, and know me much more.
I gave promise, that I will never married on Russia boy.
All of them lie and don't hold his word.
Some man drink alcohol very much.
May be I will tell you more about my past relation later.
But i don't like think about it, it was no good.
My family are not large.
We live with my mother and sister.
My mother have good work as bookkeeper.
We can pay for all life expenses.
And I will not ask you help me with money.
I know many stories about it.
If you will write to me more, you will understand, that I am not such girl!
I am simple Russia girl, who want to live abroad.
I want have husband and right family.
I will try for this very much.
I have very serious intention.
My girlfriend find her husband on internet in last year.
She move to United Kingdom and they have happy family.
She write to me letter every week.
Don't want write about me and my hobby in first letter.
If I really interested you will ask me about all.
I want ask you some question:
Do you have children? What are you doing at work?
Did you have past relation, wife?
I hope, you can know some new things about me from this letter.
Please reply only to my personal e-mail: gentleloveme@gmail.com
I will wait your letter and hope to receive news from you shortly.
Bye!
Ekaterina, from Saint-Petersburg.
http://homepage.mac.com/beechwoods/AOS/Ekaterina.jpg
Ol Timer Sex
This is too funny to be dirty -
enjoy!
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you
remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went
behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made
love to you.'
'Yes', she says, 'I remember it
well.'
'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around
there again and we can do it for old time's
sake?'
'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy,
but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard
their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself,
I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just
keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows
them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning
on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the
back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her
skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the
old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the
policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are
making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse,
panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned
something about life and old age that he didn't
know..
After about half an hour of lying on the ground
recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back
on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly
amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret
is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse
me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life
together. Is there some sort of secret to
this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric
fence.'
A guy was driving around London when he saw a sign in front of a house,
'Talking Dog for Sale .'
He rang the bell and the owner told him the dog was in the backyard.
The guy went into the backyard and saw a Labrador sitting there..
'You talk?' he asked.
'Yes,' the Lab replied.
'So, what's the story?'
The Lab looked up and said, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
spies for eight years running.'
'But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and
was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, and
now I'm just retired.'
The guy was amazed. He goes back in and asked the owner what he wanted
for the dog.
'Ten Pounds.' the man said.
'Ten Pounds ? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that.' :lolsign:
Courtesy of my Brother in Law.
Regards D S D L----Neil :)
I don't know if this is founded from a germ of truth or not, and the telling of Mr Ford's prejudices do not reflect my opinions ............but.................
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first Automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show: Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.
So, now you know...
I'll leave it to Snopes to sift the truth from the fiction :) http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/ford.asp
Jokes & Funnies is getting worryingly close to the bottom of the Abstract Chat page, folks.
Pull your socks up................
Here's the best one I've heard in ages............................
Vernon the Vampire bat came flapping into the cave out from the cold dark night, and he was covered in fresh ................dripping...........blood.
So he found himself a quiet spot & parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep, cause he was shagged out & knackered on account of being tired.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he'd got it from.
Vernon kept yelling at them "Piss off, I'm tired let me get some sleep"
However, they persisted until finally Vernon gave in.
"Okay then, you bastards follow me," ......he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bloodthirsty bats streaming behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a deep.....dark....forest.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly flitted around him.
"Now then you guys".............. .whispered Vernon....................
..............do you see that tree over there?"
"YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a blood-frenzy.
"GOOD," shouted Vernon, "BECAUSE I f***ing DIDN'T".
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.
He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish or Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day the
Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.
'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around
us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
'I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.
'He bested me at every move and I could not continue.'
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he'd won.
'I haven't a clue' the Rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger.
'Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.'
'And then what?' asked a woman.
'Who knows?' said the Rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'
http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/i...n/hospital.jpg
Shouldn't be funny - but it is! :lolsign:
Bloke wanders out of a pub a few minutes before kicking out time. He’s singing loudly and walking extremely erratically, constantly tripping up on his own feet. Every now & then he makes erratic gestures to accompany the words of the song he’s slurring.
He makes his way over to a car parked on the other side of the road & fumbles with his keys. He tries them in the lock of the passenger door, drops them on the ground & falls over when he tries to pick them up.
By this time the pub is kicking out its patrons.
He gets in his car and immediately puts the wipers on & bips the horn to the tune of the Colonel Bogey March. Trying to pull away, he can’t get out of his parking space because he inches forward only half an inch at a time, before he reverses 1 inch back & hits the kerb. After 10 minutes all the other cars in the street have gone, so he can get going without fear of hitting anyone else’s car. He drives off, with the wipers going & hazards flashing.
Suddenly, a police car pulls out of the shadows, siren going & blue lights flashing. He pulls over & the bobby comes to the window, saying “Excuse me sir, I have reason to believe you are driving while under the influence of alcohol.”
The guy says, “That’s ridiculous, I haven’t had a drink all night, I don’t understand what you’re talking about”
The policeman pulls out a breathalyser & asks him to blow into it.
It shows he’s sober, so the bobby says he can’t understand it, the equipment seems to be faulty & he’ll have to come down to the station with him for a blood test.
The driver says, “I don’t think that’ll do you much good, officer”
“And why is that sir?” Replies the bobby.
“……………..Well you see, tonight I was nominated as the designated decoy”
The Washington Post asked readers to take a word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, removing, or changing a letter, and give it a new definition.
A bit like one of the rounds in 'I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue' really.........
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
8. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
:lol: I know that one well ;) :doh:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grand Wazoo
But which side of the gulf are you on?(!!)Quote:
Originally Posted by Beechwoods
:uhho: Eh? You startin a fight ;) :lol:
A fight?????Quote:
Originally Posted by Beechwoods
Erm.........well, I don't relish the thought of another one of those for a while thanks. As you know, the last one I got myself into got broken up by teacher!
He he he. Don't worry :)
For all manner of hilarium look here.
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk
I bought a parrot from a friend for £100.
After a few days, the parrot got sick and died, so I asked my friend for my money back.
"Sorry", said my friend, "tough luck, it's not my fault it died, anyway I’ve already spent the cash".
"That's okay", I told him, "I'll just raffle it ".
My friend said "You can't raffle off a dead parrot, you idiot!”.
A week later, I met my friend and he asked me how the parrot raffle went, so I told him "I made £898 from that parrot".
"How?!" exclaimed my friend.
"I bought it from you for £100, and sold 500 raffle tickets at two quid each".
"Yeah, but wasn't anyone angry that the parrot was dead?" asked my friend.
I replied: "Just the guy that won, so I gave him his money back".
Surely not! :scratch:
http://www.buttressandsnatch.co.uk/
Surely is!
Its an old one, but in case there's someone out there who hasn't already seen this -
(read the customer reviews)
Apple does it again.
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip
that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always
complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Haha brilliant! :lolsign::lolsign:Quote:
Originally Posted by Spod
Received tonite :-
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was
better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and
frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going
to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results,
I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly
flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of
course, the power went off..
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word
known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile,Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from
the past two hours of work..
Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has
all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,
Jesus SAVES !!!
And Buddha makes incremental backups! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by DSJR
You nicked that!! :lolsign:
You're not the only one who noticed!
Have I done something wrong?
Aspergics don't usually have a sense of humour, but I rather liked this one and thought I'd share this, as I get sent loads...
No Dave - it was Mike who nicked his subsequent punchline, bit of an inside joke I think!
Left outside alone? OK.......;)
It's in Nick Gorham's signature on his Audio-Talk site,hence the "nicked" comment! :)
It is... I confess! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali Tait
I still think it's funny though :)
Yeah me too. :)
A long-haul B.A. passenger sitting in the front seat was approached by an attendant,
"Are you having dinner, sir?", she asked.
"What are my options?", the passenger enquired.
"Yes or no", she replied.
A lorry driver on a country road saw the 'low bridge' sign too late and got stuck under it.
The queue of traffic lengthened behind him as he awaited assistance.
The police arrived, and a smug looking police officer got out of his vehicle and strolled up to the driver's cab.
" Got stuck, eh?" the officer smirked.
"Not at all, officer", the driver retorted, "I just ran out of fuel whilst transporting this bridge",
Hehe... :eyebrows:
Good to see you back, Mike. I look forward to having a proper chat on the main areas of the forum :)
Marco.