Jokes & Funnies is getting worryingly close to the bottom of the Abstract Chat page, folks.
Pull your socks up................

Here's the best one I've heard in ages............................
Vernon the Vampire bat came flapping into the cave out from the cold dark night, and he was covered in fresh ................dripping...........blood.
So he found himself a quiet spot & parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep, cause he was shagged out & knackered on account of being tired.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about where he'd got it from.
Vernon kept yelling at them "Piss off, I'm tired let me get some sleep"

However, they persisted until finally Vernon gave in.

"Okay then, you bastards follow me," ......he said as he flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bloodthirsty bats streaming behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a deep.....dark....forest.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly flitted around him.

"Now then you guys".............. .whispered Vernon....................

..............do you see that tree over there?"

"YES, YES, YES!" all the other bats screamed in a blood-frenzy.

"GOOD," shouted Vernon, "BECAUSE I f***ing DIDN'T".