Jokes & Funnies

[Filterlab]

Hehehehehe, very good.

[StanleyB]

Is the Haynes advise from the Haynes Sex Manual, or one of their car manual?

[Mike]

Is the Haynes advise from the Haynes Sex Manual, or one of their car manual?

As the saying goes.... "You decide"!

[Acorn3a]

Better than a Flu Shot!

Miss Beatrice,

The church organist,

Was in her eighties

And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness

And kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor

Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,

The young minister

Noticed a cute glass bowl Sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled

With water, and in the water Floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned

With tea and scones,

They began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity

About the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through

The Park a few months ago

And I found this little package On the ground.

The directions said

To place it on the organ,

Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.'

[StanleyB]

I know that everyone needs a job, but there are some places where yo' cuzin' should not be allowed to work.

There was a case in one hospital's ICU where patients always died in the same bed on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m. regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 am on Sundays.

So a world wide team of experts were assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 am all the doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11.....

Pookie Johnson, the part time Sunday Sweeper entered the ward and unplugged the life support system, so that he could plug in the vacuum cleaner....

And that's all I'm gonna say...

[The Grand Wazoo]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
Number 1, you have to be single and Number 2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK,' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'

[Prince of Darkness]

How did you find out?

[Primalsea]

Whats the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatches your watch a peeping tom watches your snatch.

[Marco]

Haha, that's a belter!

TGW, your last one was also in the highest rank

Marco.

[The Grand Wazoo]

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?


You can depend on your wife to blow your bonus