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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1741
    Join Date: Jul 2009

    Location: Hampshire, UK

    Posts: 3,687
    I'm Adam.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
    Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

    boom, boom
    The engineer's answer is - "It's like coppery, but less conductive"
    Engineers: fixing problems you didn't know you had in ways you don't understand.

  2. #1742
    Join Date: Apr 2012

    Location: N E Kent

    Posts: 51,599
    I'm Geoff.

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    It is impossible for anything digital to sound analogue, because it isn't analogue!

  3. #1743
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

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    Thanks for the Pompey Covid jokes, Beobloke. Missed them first time round due to huge page size.

    https://theartofsound.net/forum/show...26#post1236526

    snipped..for brevity

    PORTSMOUTH & SURROUNDING AREAS LOCKDOWN PROTOCOL

    PAULSGROVE - you are able to fight your neighbour providing you wear a mask and social distancing rules are adhered to.

    LEIGH PARK - burgling homes in your local area is still permitted providing you sanitise before and after the offence. Track and trace technology must also be used.

    SOUTHSEA - Covid in these parts does not exist, therefore you should carry on as you were, house hopping, social gatherings, drunken parties and fireworks until January are mandatory, Survival of the fittest, we're currently testing 'herd immunity' in these areas.

    PORTSEA/THE HARD - prostitute services are still permitted to remain open, this is now classed as essential services for fear of the economic collapse of the area. Entry from the rear only.
    You have to live here to get it. I live in Southsea...

  4. #1744
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 98,920
    I'm Grant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by walpurgis View Post
    that's you're opinion
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  5. #1745
    Join Date: Nov 2011

    Location: Romford

    Posts: 11,994
    I'm sorted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by walpurgis View Post
    Their the idiot

  6. #1746
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

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    A Poem by Marco:

    "On Life."

    Life presents a dismal picture,
    Dull and dreary as the tomb.
    Father's split his anal sphincter,
    Mother's got a fallen womb.

    Sister Suzie's been aborted.
    For the 42nd time.
    Brother Chris is hungover,
    Couldn't get up till half past nine.

    But we are not broken-hearted,
    Nor are we down and out.
    Grandpa John has just farted,
    Blown his arsehole inside out.

    (Ed: Really, Marco, I worry about you sometimes. But I can hardly turn down your submissions. You the boss.)

    Last edited by system7; 21-11-2020 at 05:28.

  7. #1747
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK

    Posts: 110,440
    I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.

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    Ha - can't beat a good bit of toilet humour!

    Marco.
    Main System

    Turntable: Heavily-modified Technics SL-1210MK5G [Mike New bearing/ETP platter/Paul Hynes SR7 PSU & regulator mods]. Funk Firm APM Achromat with Nagaoka GL-601 Crystal Record Weight. Isonoe feet & boots. Ortofon RS-212D tonearm with Denon DL-103GL, in a Denon PCL-300 headshell, fitted with Funk Firm Houdini and Kondo SL-115 pure-silver cartridge leads.

    Paul Hynes MC head amp/SR5 PSU. Also modded Lentek head amp and Denon AU-310 SUT.

    Other Cartridges: Nippon Columbia (NOS 1987) Denon DL-103. USA-made Shure SC35C with NOS stylus. Goldring G820 with NOS stylus. Shure M55E with NOS stylus.

    CD Player: Audiocom-modified Sony X-777ES/DAS-R1 DAC.

    Tape Deck: Tandberg TCD 310, fully restored and recalibrated as new by RDE, plus upgraded with heads from the TCD-420a. Also with matching TM4 Norway microphones.

    Preamps: Heavily-modified Croft Charisma-X. Power Amps: Tube Distinctions Copper Amp, fitted with Tungsol KT-150s. Quad 306.

    Cables & Sundries: Mark Grant HDX1 interconnects and digital coaxial cable, plus Mark Grant 6mm UP-LCOFC Van Damme speaker cable. MCRU 'Ultimate' mains leads. Lehmann clone headphone amp with vintage Koss PRO-4AAA headphones.

    Tube Distinctions digital noise filter. VPI HW16.5 record cleaning machine.

    Speakers: Tannoy 15MGs in Lockwood cabinets with modified crossovers. 1967 Celestion Ditton 15.

  8. #1748
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

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    I love kids. Such a certain sense of humour.

    Anyway onto the Police Crime Report:

    Police in Mercia have reported that P.C. John Smith was pursuing a shoplifter in a Red dress and fishnet stockings. Inspector Knacker advised his Constables to wear proper Uniform in future.

    I could probably come up with some other Cop jokes. But will leave it for another night.

  9. #1749
    Join Date: Jan 2013

    Location: North East

    Posts: 12,011
    I'm Alan.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roy S View Post
    Their the idiot
    who is Their?? Is that a French name?
    'ANDSOME IN THE SUMMER..'ORIBBLE IN THE WINTER. Barney Milne

    Cambridge Audio CXN, Seagate nas drive, Michell Gyrodec SE, SME309, Benz M2 Ruby cantilever, Denon DL103, Primare R32, Densen D20, Densen D30, Cambridge Audio 840A V2 integrated, Pioneer SX-N30AE Network Stereo Receiver, Roksan Darius speakers, Technics speakers, Canon speakers, Bastanis Dragonfly Horns, REL Storm III sub, Target R1 speaker stands, Atacama Equinox.

  10. #1750
    Join Date: Nov 2011

    Location: Romford

    Posts: 11,994
    I'm sorted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mad-moon View Post
    who is Their?? Is that a French name?
    French for Terry I think

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