As a change from jokes I thought I would share a couple of one liners from a friend of mine.He was married,but not for long,as will become apparent.
His attitude to women was straight from a previous century.

He was berating his wife, as usual, & said that he would like to come home one day & find the oven as warm as the television.

His wife confronted him about his affairs & infidelity.'What would you call me if you found me in bed with one of your friends?'

He replied 'A lesbian.'

Any more real world one liners & ripostes that you have heard?