Jokes & Funnies

[Mike]

As the thread title says!

I'll start of with this:

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1735982

Pay particular attention to the facial expression of the guy in green. Priceless!

[Mike Reed]

Seen in Billericay, Essex, and Thanet,

A fish & chip shop called THE CODFATHER

A house cleaning company van, signwritten with SPRUCE SPRINGCLEAN

A hairdresser (many do have amusing names). HAIRY POPPINS


In the wild, how can one tell a weasel from a stoat ?

One is weasily recognised but the other is stoatally different.


Why can't you obtain aspirin from any chemists in the Amazon basin?
Because the paracetamol.


MUSICAL JOKE

What resultant sound comes from dropping a grand piano onto a military barracks?

A flat major


Oh, well! Just doing my bit, Shian7

[anthonyTD]

Seen in Billericay, Essex, and Thanet,

A fish & chip shop called THE CODFATHER

A house cleaning company van, signwritten with SPRUCE SPRINGCLEAN

A hairdresser (many do have amusing names). HAIRY POPPINS


In the wild, how can one tell a weasel from a stoat ?

One is weasily recognised but the other is stoatally different.


Why can't you obtain aspirin from any chemists in the Amazon basin?
Because the paracetamol.


MUSICAL JOKE

What resultant sound comes from dropping a grand piano onto a military barracks?

A flat major


Oh, well! Just doing my bit, Shian7

great, made me laugh anyway, any more???

[Mike Reed]

Thank you, Anthony.

Shall post another or two over the b. h.

[scoobs]

A bloke visits a zoo and is disappointed to find only a dog there...




...it was a shitzu

[WikiBoy]

How many marketing men does it take to spam a forum?

[WikiBoy]

Whoops! sorry - that is not a joke

[Marco]

Yes, Super Muppet, we need a new rant. So get to it!

Did you get the message from Rob about the new room with mod facilities we're going to give you?

Meanwhile, here's a little joke-ette:

Rev John Flapps sees a lady church member getting drunk in the pub. He tries to take her home but they fall and he ends up on top of her. The landlord says:

"Oi mate you can't do that in here!".

The Rev replies: "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps".

The landlord replies: "Well if you're that far in you may as well finish!"

Marco.

[Mr Ed]

Heather Mills has bought a plane with her divorce settlement, but plans to carry on using Immac on her other leg...

[Mike Reed]

SIMON & PETER

Simon and Peter have been sharing a new flat for a couple of months.

"Peter", says Simon one day, " my mother is hinting strongly that it's about time we invited her round to see the new place".

"Fine", says Peter, "send her an e-mail". "Yeah!", responded Simon, " but you don't know my mother; something ALWAYS goes walkies after one of her visits".

Anyway, Simon contacted his mother, who duly came round to dinner a week later. Simon couln't help noticing throughout the meal that his mother kept giving furtive glances at Peter. After the meal, Simon pulled his mother to one side and questioned her slightly strange behaviour.

"Your new flatmate Peter is a very handsome boy", she said in a suggestive tone. Simon, realising the insinuation, replied in a defensive but assertive voice that he and Peter were simply friends and flatmates; end of story! His mother eventually departed, to both the boys' relief.

Ten days later, Peter said to Simon, "Simon, have you seen the frying-pan? I've looked everywhere for it these last few days and assumed you had broken it or something".

"That's funny", replied Simon, "I've been wondering where it was, too; maybe my mother appropriated it when she was here; I told you what she was like! I'll e-mail her to ask".

'Dear mother', Simon wrote, 'I'm not saying that you DID walk off with our new frying-pan, and I'm not saying you DIDN'T walk off with it, but it's been missing since your visit'

His mother e-mailed back promptly with the message 'Dear Simon, I'm not saying that you DO sleep with Peter, and I'm not saying that you DON'T sleep with him, but I'd have thought that he would have found it in his bed by now'