I know it needs to be dry to burn, but "bone dry"? A
bit of moisture shouldn't be a problem, surely? You must have money to burn, never mind logs, to pay through the nose for something that only requires getting your hands dirty at the local park/woods, and a year or so of patience while the stuff dries.
I'm smiling at my mental picture of Del gathering up holly sprigs and pine cones for her Christmas decs, and you trying to wrestle a huge branch from the jaws of someone's pet staffie (It's mine you bassa, for me woodburner!)
I take back the Jack Torrance comment, those logs pictured in your link really wouldn't need that level of psychopathy. And Chad Valley do an axe that would be equal to the task, probably