Dads.

[Bigman80]

Great post Oliver.

Thanks Al. Hard to write.

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[stairpost]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it is appreciated.

The struggle I have with telling him I love him is that I can't honestly say I know why I think I should do it. Am I doing it for me or for him? Am I doing it just because I think I should?

Dad and I know we share a love, but the fact that he has never said I love you to me makes me believe it isn't something that needs saying, or something that he is comfortable saying. If I want to say it just for me then I can live without saying it. Would it be selfish of me to say it just because I want to when it may not be a conversation he wants. He is not a man that shares feelings, he is a hard man that is a product of a hard life.

[CageyH]

You don’t have to say the words “I love you”.
You can tell him that you appreciate all that he has done for you in the past etc.
He will understand, and it may mean more to him like that.

It is totally up to you. Each relationship is different.

[Bigman80]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it is appreciated.

The struggle I have with telling him I love him is that I can't honestly say I know why I think I should do it. Am I doing it for me or for him? Am I doing it just because I think I should?

Dad and I know we share a love, but the fact that he has never said I love you to me makes me believe it isn't something that needs saying, or something that he is comfortable saying. If I want to say it just for me then I can live without saying it. Would it be selfish of me to say it just because I want to when it may not be a conversation he wants. He is not a man that shares feelings, he is a hard man that is a product of a hard life.

Truth is, there isn't anything wrong in being selfish. Why hold it in until it's too late and second guess yourself after?

Say it, feel a bit embarrassed if it's awkward but you'll never wonder if you should have said it. No harm in telling him even if he calls you soft

Don't say it, wonder whether you should have forever.

No choice for me.

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[stairpost]

I think I'm going to write him a letter, I can say everything I want him to hear and he can read it on his own and say whatever he wants to me once read.

[stairpost]

My dad is 80 shortly, bit of a party planned over Christmas.

I took him on a trip to Egypt for his 65th - just me and him away for 8 days doing the pyramids, the Cairo Museum, Valley of the kings, a boat trip, Luxor - and to Malaysia and Singapore (where he served 2 years as an RAF regular in the late 50s) for his 75th - we found his old base which is a Royal Malaysian Air Force museum now.

This was really precious time, it's fair to say I got to know him more then than had at any point before. I got to say everything I wanted to - and I think he did too, in his own way - and our relationship has been solid and relaxed ever sense.

I feel very lucky to have been able to do this. I live 400 miles away and when I call (which is every other day), if he is the one who pics up, he hands the phone to my mum like he's always done (he doesn't like speaking on the phone much). But I know we are OK. It's a good feeling.

My Dad was in Malaysia too, with the Royal Lincolnshire Regiment, The Poachers. He was also in Egypt for a while, I remember him telling me about being in a gun emplacement on top of a building at an airport in Egypt. I've got his cap badges, he has a medal for bravery too which was lost when his mother died. I'm hoping it turns up one day.

[struth]

My dad was in those climes during the war. 6 years in n africa and middle east. He went back in early 70's just a few years before he died to revisit on a cruise with mum this time instead of the raf. He enjoyed it but mother did more i think.
I was 20 when he died alas so didnt really get to know him well as an adult. Many things you wish you could say or do that are now out of reach.
Reminds me of the saying ...dont put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

[Bigman80]

My Dad was in Malaysia too, with the Royal Lincolnshire Regiment, The Poachers. He was also in Egypt for a while, I remember him telling me about being in a gun emplacement on top of a building at an airport in Egypt. I've got his cap badges, he has a medal for bravery too which was lost when his mother died. I'm hoping it turns up one day.

These things do turn up.

True story:

When I was a boy my dad showed me his Gold pocket watch which was awarded to my Great Grandad for saving his Squadron in WWI. "When I'm brown bread, this will be yours" he said.

Fast forward to his last year and I was soon to be given the watch. There was a concern that my brother didn't have a family heirloom (of similar importance) and my dad recounted a story of another Gold pocket watch awarded to my great granddad for serving 40 years on the LNR railway. This watch was lost when his aunties moved to the Isle of white.

A few days later, my cousin called to inform me of a watch on eBay with a "W.Lockley" signature on a certificate of award (my Great grandfather name). When I looked at it, it was his signature, which we have copies. I looked where the watch was located and it was in the Isle of White!

Turns out the seller found it when he cleared my great aunties house years before and kept it to sell after the family had been through the belongings. I bought it and it checked out as legit.

It's strange how things work out.

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[mad-moon]

My old man died at 47 of a massive heart attack...I watched him die. I was only 16 years old..He was a task master, very strict and very hard..I hated him with a passion at that time, but wish he was still here now..Love is an exceptionally strange thing...like I say, wish he was here now...so I could tell him I loved him...too late was the cry...

[struth]

My old man died at 47 of a massive heart attack...I watched him die. I was only 16 years old..He was a task master, very strict and very hard..I hated him with a passion at that time, but wish he was still here now..Love is an exceptionally strange thing...like I say, wish he was here now...so I could tell him I loved him...too late was the cry...

that is hard at any time, far less at that tender age.