Tell Me Something............Anything!

[Barry]

That's pretty standard. How many hymns were there?

The actual wedding service and mass (if it's Catholic) is bit I enjoy most, as it's what I'm used to. If the reception afterwards is full of folk I know well, and have things in common with, then I'll enjoy that, too. Otherwise, no!

Marco.

Several, plus a lot of chanting or intoning by the priest.

The Bride was Russian, the groom Cameroonian, so there was an interesting mix of cultures: after the couple were pronounced 'man and wife', there was an outburst of applause and ululation from the congregation.

[Marco]

The last bit isn't automatic, but rather down to the desires of the priest taking the mass and the congregation. I like the hymns, as I have a reasonable singing voice - been asked to join international choirs and all sorts, but I don't like committing to such things.

So I'm presuming that this wedding is something Happy dragged you along to?

Marco.

[Macca]

Interesting... As a practicing Catholic since birth, that's completely alien to me. A standard Sunday mass is over within an hour, and no mass I attended at school was any longer. The longest mass in the current Catholic calendar is the one on Holy Thursday, during Lent, which is a good 2 hours long, but I've never been to a 3-hour mass in my life.

You must've had some right doddery old priests!

Marco.

Two chaplains in my time there, both Irish.


An hour for communion (you've got about 750 people to do)

Half an hour for the sermon. At least.


A couple of readings, that's a cosy ten minutes.

All the rest of it, Credo, sign of peace, and what have you. Even at speed that's a good 30 minutes and they never went at speed.

Then you've got about 10 hymns scattered about at various intervals. Some of them have 6 or 7 verses and they always did the lot.


Only good thing was end of term was always a half-day holiday so when it finally ended you were free.

[Marco]

Interesting... That's quite different to what I'm familiar with. The cathedral where I used to go to for mass at school held just as many people (and more), but there were enough priests and servers, conducting and assisting with mass, for it to be over in an hour.

No idea where the 10 hymns come from either... Even at mass on Christmas day, there are half that. On an average Sunday, there are three, sometimes four: one at the very beginning, one during the offertory, perhaps one during communion, and one at the end.

You Scousers always were a funny lot!

Marco.

[Macca]

Jesuit school mate. Only the priest could give Communion. None of your lay-brothers or whatever doing it as well.


Normal Sunday Mass was about an hour, give or take ten minutes either way. About 6 hymns. Or if you went to the late one it would be about 40 minutes. There was one priest, can't remember his name but we used to call him 'Speedy Joe' because he would crack on through. We used to time him and I think his career best was 28 minutes.

He used to do the seven o'clock. That was a good one because you were pretty much guaranteed to be out in forty-five minutes. But if you went to that one and he came out that was a massive bonus. You could be confident that you'd get back in time for the start of 'That's Life'.

[Pigmy Pony]

"Jesuits and Friends" quarterly magazine - I designed and did all the artwork for that. And that's the only contact I had with the Catholic Church. But maybe my thorough proof reading and attempts to keep the design interesting will buy me a place up there.

Unlike a church magazine one of my colleagues did for St. Paul's Walkden, which carried a full page ad on the back cover for Blackpool Pleasure Beach. One of the attractions was a public skating rink, but he had left the 'L' out of 'Public'. I pointed out the error to the gaffer who said "Too late to fix it now" so it went out like that.

Reminded me of the Monty Python advert for "Anal Cruises, for the anal holiday you'll never forget".

[Barry]

The last bit isn't automatic, but rather down to the desires of the priest taking the mass and the congregation. I like the hymns, as I have a reasonable singing voice - been asked to join international choirs and all sorts, but I don't like committing to such things.

So I'm presuming that this wedding is something Happy dragged you along to?

Marco.

Thinking about it, the entire service lasted about an hour and a half, including Communion which only took 15 minutes or so. And since Africans don't do the best man bit, there are no speeches at the wedding reception, so the priest explained how the couple met etc. So, as it would seem, the whole business was relatively short and sweet.

The Sign of Peace was unexpected - I'd forgotten about that, but being typically British I shook hands.

And no - I wasn't dragged along, I wanted to go as I knew the groom's mother. There was a refreshment buffet after the service, then we went home whilst people were having the photographs taken (Africans are big on photographs and videos: there were two professional photographers present and some of the congragation were taking photos on their smartphones during the service). Returned at 8 'o clock for the reception which went on until 01:30 Sunday. They know how to party!

The only expense for me (apart from the wedding present) was Happy claiming she had nothing suitable to wear, so we had to buy her a new dress in advance.

[Marco]

Excellent... Did you get a new dress, too?

Marco.

[Barry]

Excellent... Did you get a new dress, too?

Marco.

No - my usual 'hatching, matching and dispatching' suit was wheeled out for the occasion. Happy tolerates it, but says she is going to buy me a new one soon!

[walpurgis]

I have no suit.