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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #861
    Join Date: May 2012

    Location: Eastbourne UK

    Posts: 687
    I'm Geoffrey.

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    Elephant d!ck

    A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, he was unable to get his p*nis erect. The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of his knob were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him.
    However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his p*nis.
    The man thought about it a while. The thought of going through life without ever pumping again was just too much for him to bear.
    So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.
    A year after the operation he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned an evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his c*ck sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers.
    His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
    With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse”

  2. #862
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: North Wales

    Posts: 24
    I'm John.

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    The chap who compiled the anagrams for the crossword in our local paper has died.
    May he Erect A Penis.

  3. #863
    Join Date: Nov 2013

    Location: Powys

    Posts: 1,199
    I'm David.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wudge View Post
    The chap who compiled the anagrams for the crossword in our local paper has died.
    May he Erect A Penis.
    I've just read that on the Naim forum jokes thread, best thing on the Naim site

  4. #864
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: North Wales

    Posts: 24
    I'm John.

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    Can you tell what it is yet?

    http://i.imgur.com/smJRn.gif

  5. #865
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,846
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wudge View Post
    Can you tell what it is yet?

    http://i.imgur.com/smJRn.gif
    Brilliant!
    Barry

  6. #866
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: North Wales

    Posts: 24
    I'm John.

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    A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan."

    All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
    My vagina is now the size of a 50-pence piece
    When it used to be the size of a 5 pence piece."

    Her mother says,

    "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman,
    You live in an 8 bedroom mansion
    You drive a £250,000 Ferrari,
    You get £2,000 a week allowance,
    You take 6 vacations a year and
    You want to throw all that away...

    Over 45 pence?"

  7. #867
    synsei Guest

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    Dear Santa, please send me a little brother for Christmas...

    Dear Jimbob, please send me your momma and it's as good as done...

  8. #868
    Join Date: May 2012

    Location: Eastbourne UK

    Posts: 687
    I'm Geoffrey.

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    An Irish joke

    A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

    Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

    "No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

    "But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

  9. #869
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: North Wales

    Posts: 24
    I'm John.

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    I have just heard, The inventor of yodelling has died.
    Sadly, so did his little old lady too.

  10. #870
    Join Date: Nov 2011

    Location: Newcastle UK

    Posts: 3,745
    I'm Rich.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wudge View Post
    I have just heard, The inventor of yodelling has died.
    Sadly, so did his little old lady too.
    One of these days... I'm going to cut you into little pieces.

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