Jokes & Funnies

**Thing Fish** · 17-11-2011, 00:28

I once knew a blind parachutist.

I asked him how he knew the ground was coming up.

He replied - The dogs lead go's slack...

**electric beach** · 17-11-2011, 08:00

I knew a guy nervous about making his first parachute jump.
He asked "what if the chute doesn't open?". I told him there was a back-up emergency chute.
"But what if that doesn't open?" he worried.
"Oh, that always opens" I reassured him.

"So why don't they make that the first one then?!"

**Bluedroog** · 17-11-2011, 10:33

I went to a dyslexic rave last weekend. I got completely mashed, took a load of F's.

=======================

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals? Still no fucking idea!

**Dominic Harper** · 17-11-2011, 12:12

Wife say to man "should we stop off at the hotel yumca"

Man replies "that's the YMCA you dopey b----rd"

__________________________________________________ _________________

Man and women having a picnic in a field.

Women says "I think that bull is going to charge"

Man say "I f--king hope not, I've only got a £1"

Natalie

**Straff** · 17-11-2011, 14:38

Someone just threw a jar of Omega 3 tablets at me.

I wasn't hurt badly though, just a super-fish-oil injury

**Roy S** · 19-11-2011, 14:58

Friend of mine's had a penis extension, it's made his house look really stupid.

**Rare Bird** · 19-11-2011, 15:05

**Straff** · 19-11-2011, 17:52

For the hintellchoos:

**The Grand Wazoo** · 19-11-2011, 18:04

Originally Posted by Straff

For the hintellchoos:

Brilliant!!

**Straff** · 20-11-2011, 11:48

The things kids come out with:

Thread: Jokes & Funnies

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