Jokes & Funnies

[Themis]

[Alex_UK]

Andre you are so "wrong" on every count, but I did smirk...

[Alex_UK]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent, when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition.

The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques...

She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop.

She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.

She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!

While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in Intensive Care! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"

The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead... Show me what you bought."

[DSJR]

Legitimate companies, who (perhaps?) didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear!
These are not made up.
Check them out yourself!


1. 'Who Represents'is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
www.whorepresents.com <http://www.whorepresents.com/>


2. 'Experts Exchange'is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange..com <http://www.expertsexchange.com/>

3. Looking for a great pen? Look
no further than' Pen Island '.
It can be found at:
www.penisland.net <http://www.penisland.net/>


4. Need a therapist? Try
'Therapist Finder' at:
www.therapistfinder.com <http://www.therapistfinder.com/>

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
www.powergenitalia.com <http://www.powergenitalia.com/>

6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
www.ipanywhere.com <http://www.ipanywhere.com/>

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art'
await you at their wacky Web site:
www.speedofart.com <http://www.speedofart.com/>

[Rare Bird]

This sexy bird looked at my beer belly & said ''Is that Carlsberg or Tetleys''?
I said ''There's a tap underneith love if you wana taste it''!

[Rare Bird]

WOMENS LONELY HEARTS AD:
What they really mean:

ADVENTUROUS= Slut
Athletic= No tits
30= 45
FUN= Annoying
WILD= Gets pissed easily
BEAUTIFUL EYES= Face like a robber's dog
SEEKING KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR= Ex husbands a ferkin nutter
NEW AGE= Hairy with smelly fanny
HEADSTRONG= Argumentative
ENJOYS PUBBING & CLUBBING= Alcoholic
CURVY= Fat C*unt
CUDDLY= Fat C*nt
LIKE EATING OUT= Greedy fat C*nt
LIKES NIGHTS IN= Lazy fat C*nt

[captain]

Do not press the button LINK

[The Grand Wazoo]

The Unforseen Consequences of Deforestation.............

[Barry]

The Unforseen Consequences of Deforestation.............

Good one! Was it posed, or is it a skillful application of digital composition?

[The Grand Wazoo]

Good one! Was it posed, or is it a skillful application of digital composition?

I don't have a clue, I'm afraid, Barry. However, I'd find it pretty incredible if they were posed. Knowing our dog.........