Jokes & Funnies

[Beechwoods]

He he he. Don't worry

[Ian Walker]

For all manner of hilarium look here.
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk

[The Grand Wazoo]

I bought a parrot from a friend for £100.

After a few days, the parrot got sick and died, so I asked my friend for my money back.

"Sorry", said my friend, "tough luck, it's not my fault it died, anyway I’ve already spent the cash".

"That's okay", I told him, "I'll just raffle it ".

My friend said "You can't raffle off a dead parrot, you idiot!”.

A week later, I met my friend and he asked me how the parrot raffle went, so I told him "I made £898 from that parrot".

"How?!" exclaimed my friend.

"I bought it from you for £100, and sold 500 raffle tickets at two quid each".

"Yeah, but wasn't anyone angry that the parrot was dead?" asked my friend.

I replied: "Just the guy that won, so I gave him his money back".

[Mike]

Surely not!

http://www.buttressandsnatch.co.uk/

[Beechwoods]

Surely is!

[Spod]

Its an old one, but in case there's someone out there who hasn't already seen this -
(read the customer reviews)

[Mike]

Apple does it again.

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip
that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.


The iTit will cost between $499.00 and $699.00 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always
complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[aquapiranha]

Its an old one, but in case there's someone out there who hasn't already seen this -
(read the customer reviews)

Haha brilliant!

[DSJR]

Received tonite :-

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was

better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and

frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.



Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going

to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results,

I will judge who does the better job."



So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.



Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly

flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of

course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word

known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their

computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile,Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from

the past two hours of work..

Satan observed this and became irate.



"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has

all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

Jesus SAVES !!!

[Mike]

Jesus SAVES !!!

And Buddha makes incremental backups!