Senior Member
Location: Clitheroe, Lancs
Posts: 742
I'm Pete.
mummy, mummy, what are you doing?"" exclaimed the little boy as he walked into the bedroom to find her sitting on daddy.
"just flattening daddy's tummy mum replied.
""I wouldn't bother, when you go out tonight the au pair will only blow it up again.""
Senior Member
Location: Clitheroe, Lancs
Posts: 742
I'm Pete.
Had to add this one few members will agree with it.
"Mr O'Malley, you are up before this court for being drunk and disorderly. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"
"yes your honour. I fell into bad company i met some non-drinkers in the park."
"But why should that be bad?" asked the judge
""I had a bottle of whisky with me and i had to drink it all myself."
Senior Member
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2,426
I'm Anto.
They said a mask and gloves would be good enough to go to the Supermarket during the Covid 19 outbreak.
They lied - everyone else had cloths on as well......
I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work
Senior Member
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2,426
I'm Anto.
All sporting events cancelled but live boxing can be seen at Tesco, Morrisons, Aldi, Lidl, Sainsburys, and Asda!
I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work
Senior Member
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2,426
I'm Anto.
This is getting serious now, what's going to close next, Katie Price's legs...?
I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work
Super Moderator
Location: W Lothian
Posts: 99,005
I'm Grant.
Oh please doOriginally Posted by Oddball
Regards,
Grant.... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse
I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work.... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -
Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?
“Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".
“You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”
"You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”
“There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”
***SMILE, BE HAPPY***
Senior Member
Location: Clitheroe, Lancs
Posts: 742
I'm Pete.
The judge turned to the farmer and said "Mr. Brown you are in this court to claim damages against this truck driver for the awful injuries you sustained at the time of the accident. And yet, Mr Brown, at the time of the accident you were heard to say to the policeman that you'd never felt better. Can you explain this to the court.
The farmer replied "it's like this your honour, at the time of the accident the policeman went over to my dog, and seeing it was so badly injured he shot it. Then he went over to my cows and when he saw that they had broken legs, he shot them as well. So when he asked me how i felt, I thought it was a good idea to tell him id never felt better."
Senior Member
Location: Clitheroe, Lancs
Posts: 742
I'm Pete.
Two couples got married on the same day and ended up in the same hotel for their honeymoon.
One evening, the girls having already gone to bed, the two men had a couple of drinks together in the bar. As time went on the men started to get boastful and Geoff claimed he could make love to his wife more times than John. Fired up with booze, John accepted the challenge and they agreed to meet the following morning with the results.
“Last night, I made love to my wife 3 times” said Geoff at breakfast time. “What about you?” John replied, “34 times.” “What!!” exclaimed Geoff. “OK, double or nothing, let’s see what happens tonight.”
The next day Geoff arrived in the dining room looking knackered. “7 times,” he said to John. John laughed. “You lose again, 48 times for me.” “Well that’s unbelievable, how do you manage it?” “Listen, I’ll show you. Put your hips back, then push forward quickly. That’s one. Now, pull your hips back again and push forward quickly. That’s two…”
Senior Member
Location: Clitheroe, Lancs
Posts: 742
I'm Pete.
Two nuns are cycling down a narrow cobblestone street when one says to the other, “I haven’t come this way before.” “Neither have I, it’s the cobbles you know,” the other replied
Pishanto Specialist & Super-Daftee
Location: Dagenham Essex
Posts: 11,215
I'm Allen.
One nun says to the other nun " Where's the candle " Nun 2 replys " Yes it does doesent it "
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