Jokes & Funnies

[Audio Al]

Free tip

Never buy a Labrador , As 90% of the owners go blind

[Audio Al]

Two blonds were driving to Disneyland , The sign said Disney left so they both started crying and went home

[Audio Al]

The wife asked me to go to Asda to get something to go on her pancakes tonight,

I came back with a bra.

I’m writing this from the shed...........

[mr sneff]

In order to achieve their nightclub 'high', Yorkshire clubbers have taken to injecting ecstasy directly into their mouths using dental syringes. This procedure is known locally as 'E by Gum'.

[Oddball]

Very good -Mr sneff and Al !!!


I was in the pub earlier when out of nowhere, my best mate announced he was setting off on a South Pole expedition in the morning.

I said, "FFS pal, when did you plan this then?"

He said, "When the wife found a balaclava and ice axe in the wardrobe!"

[Oddball]

I splashed out on some new lingerie in Ann Summers...

Now the assistant says I have to pay for it!

[Oddball]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"

[Oddball]

Just renewed my car insurance over the phone, and as I was about to hang up the lass on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "I've got a dog."

She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"

I said, "no, he can't drive!"

[Oddball]

Ha ha

Jokes about sugar are very rare
Jokes about brown sugar ? dem are rarer

[Oddball]

And finally

I went to the doctors and asked what was the best exercise to lose weight.

The doctor said, "Just shake your head."

I asked him, "How often?"

He said, "Whenever someone offers you some food you fat git!"

Thats likely to be me lol