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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1321
    Join Date: Jul 2009

    Location: Hampshire, UK

    Posts: 3,662
    I'm Adam.

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    My boss said I could leave work early if I made up the time.

    I said “It’s 20 past rhubarb. Goodbye!”
    Engineers: fixing problems you didn't know you had in ways you don't understand.

  2. #1322
    Join Date: Dec 2010

    Location: North Lincs

    Posts: 193
    I'm Keith.

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    Husband:- Darling why do you never tell me when you have an orgasm?

    Wife :- Dear you know I don't like ringing you at work.

  3. #1323
    Join Date: Oct 2015

    Location: Woodmancote, West Sussex

    Posts: 1,629
    I'm Ian.

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    A high court judge who's had far too much to drink is on the train home when he starts to feel really sick. All of a sudden he throws up all over himself. Worried what his wife will say when he gets home he creeps up the stairs and goes to sleep in the spare room. The next day his wife asks what happened so he makes up a story about a very drunk man on the train who upset everyone and when he challenged the drunk he threw up all over him. He had the drunk arrested by the police and is going to hear his case in court today and is going to throw the book at him. His wife gives him a very hard stare and says just make sure you do because he shit in your pants as well.
    Turntable
    Toshiba SR-370/Mission 774/Van Damme cable with MS Starline plugs/Ortofon Quintet Black
    CD
    Cambridge CXC transport/modified Musical Fidelity X-DAC/modified Musical Fidelity X-10 V3 tube buffer
    Network Player
    Cambridge NP30
    Amplifier
    Denon HA-500 head amp/Nakamichi CA-5E pre-amp/Chinese passive RVC/Proton AA-1150 DMC power amp
    Speakers
    Mordaunt Short Signifer on original factory stands
    Cables
    Mogami with Rean Neutrik plugs/NVA LS5
    Headphones
    Sennheiser HD600/Sennheiser HD650/Koss Pro4 AA

  4. #1324
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Central Virginia

    Posts: 1,736
    I'm Russell.

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    Russ

  5. #1325
    Join Date: Jun 2014

    Location: Chorley Lancs

    Posts: 14,585
    I'm Steve.

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    Quality
    I just dropped in, to see what condition my condition was in

    T/T: Inspire Monarch, X200 tonearm, Ortofon Quintet Blue. Phono: Project Tube Box CD: Marantz CD6006 (UK Edition); Amp: Musical Fidelity A5 Integrated.
    Speakers: Zu Omen Def, REL T9i subwoofer. Cables: Atlas Equator interconnects, Atlas Hyper 3.0 speaker cables

    T'other system:
    Echo Dot, Amptastic Mini One,Arcam A75 integrated, Celestion 5's, BK XLS-200 DF

    A/V:
    LG 55" OLED, Panasonic Blu Ray, Sony a/v amp, MA Radius speakers, REL Storm sub

    Forget the past, it's gone. And don't worry about the future, it doesn't exist. There is only NOW.

    KICKSTARTER: ENABLING SCAMMERS SINCE 2009

  6. #1326
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Central Virginia

    Posts: 1,736
    I'm Russell.

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    A middle aged woman was working at her drug store when she saw a young man come in. She asked him, “Can I help you with anything?”. And the young man replied, “I’ve had a constant erection for the past two months! And it’s driving me crazy. What can I get for it?”. The woman pondered for a moment and said, “how about $500 a week and 49% stock in the store?”.

    Russell

  7. #1327
    Join Date: Feb 2019

    Location: Alabama

    Posts: 6
    I'm Logan.

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    lol

  8. #1328
    Join Date: Jul 2009

    Location: Hampshire, UK

    Posts: 3,662
    I'm Adam.

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    A friend asked me if there was anything I particularly liked about Switzerland.

    I said "Well, their flag's a big plus..."
    Engineers: fixing problems you didn't know you had in ways you don't understand.

  9. #1329
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,846
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beobloke View Post
    A friend asked me if there was anything I particularly liked about Switzerland.

    I said "Well, their flag's a big plus..."
    Subtle - love it.
    Barry

  10. #1330
    Join Date: Nov 2013

    Location: HAMPSTEAD

    Posts: 1,156
    I'm brian.

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    Yeah he s clearly the Tim Vine of A.O.S

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