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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1301
    Audio Al is offline Pishanto Specialist & Super-Daftee
    Join Date: May 2012

    Location: Dagenham Essex

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    I'm Allen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mr sneff View Post
    Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

    "Yes," replies the little girl.

    "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her £5.

    The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

    The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

    "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
    A slightly different version of this is

    " What's the only animal with a cu-t half way up its back ?

    A police horse "
    [

  2. #1302
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

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    I'm Grant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Audio Al View Post
    A slightly different version of this is

    " What's the only animal with a cu-t half way up its back ?

    A police horse "
    whats a cu-t?
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  3. #1303
    Join Date: Apr 2012

    Location: N E Kent

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    I'm Geoff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    whats a cu-t?
    Bit like a tw-t.

  4. #1304
    Audio Al is offline Pishanto Specialist & Super-Daftee
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    I'm Allen.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    whats a cu-t?
    insert a missing n
    [

  5. #1305
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 32,046
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Audio Al View Post
    insert a missing n
    Ah - you must be referring to Cnut the Great, the eleventh century king of England, Denmark and Norway.
    Barry

  6. #1306
    Join Date: Oct 2018

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    Posts: 643
    I'm Gary.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Barry View Post
    Ah - you must be referring to Cnut the Great, the eleventh century king of England, Denmark and Norway.
    I didn't vote for him...
    Marantz CD63 KI Signature
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  7. #1307
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 99,005
    I'm Grant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gaz View Post
    I didn't vote for him...
    I did
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  8. #1308
    Join Date: Jan 2013

    Location: North East

    Posts: 12,011
    I'm Alan.

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    I was in Asda today....buying a loaf of bread....I could have sworn I seen Trumps name on the packet....till I looked closer and it actually said...Thick Cut....

    I'll get my coat...
    'ANDSOME IN THE SUMMER..'ORIBBLE IN THE WINTER. Barney Milne

    Cambridge Audio CXN, Seagate nas drive, Michell Gyrodec SE, SME309, Benz M2 Ruby cantilever, Denon DL103, Primare R32, Densen D20, Densen D30, Cambridge Audio 840A V2 integrated, Pioneer SX-N30AE Network Stereo Receiver, Roksan Darius speakers, Technics speakers, Canon speakers, Bastanis Dragonfly Horns, REL Storm III sub, Target R1 speaker stands, Atacama Equinox.

  9. #1309
    Join Date: Jan 2013

    Location: North East

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    I'm Alan.

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    woman lying naked on the bed playing with herself....young son comes in from school and catches her....he says god mar...what's that....she says, that's where your dad hit me with an axe...caw what a shot says the young'un...right in the cu_t....
    'ANDSOME IN THE SUMMER..'ORIBBLE IN THE WINTER. Barney Milne

    Cambridge Audio CXN, Seagate nas drive, Michell Gyrodec SE, SME309, Benz M2 Ruby cantilever, Denon DL103, Primare R32, Densen D20, Densen D30, Cambridge Audio 840A V2 integrated, Pioneer SX-N30AE Network Stereo Receiver, Roksan Darius speakers, Technics speakers, Canon speakers, Bastanis Dragonfly Horns, REL Storm III sub, Target R1 speaker stands, Atacama Equinox.

  10. #1310
    Join Date: Nov 2013

    Location: HAMPSTEAD

    Posts: 1,156
    I'm brian.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gaz View Post
    I didn't vote for him...
    Was he leave or remain

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