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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1241
    Join Date: Oct 2015

    Location: Woodmancote, West Sussex

    Posts: 1,629
    I'm Ian.

    Default

    Not exactly a joke but it did make me laugh

    [IMG][/IMG]
    Turntable
    Toshiba SR-370/Mission 774/Van Damme cable with MS Starline plugs/Ortofon Quintet Black
    CD
    Cambridge CXC transport/modified Musical Fidelity X-DAC/modified Musical Fidelity X-10 V3 tube buffer
    Network Player
    Cambridge NP30
    Amplifier
    Denon HA-500 head amp/Nakamichi CA-5E pre-amp/Chinese passive RVC/Proton AA-1150 DMC power amp
    Speakers
    Mordaunt Short Signifer on original factory stands
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    Mogami with Rean Neutrik plugs/NVA LS5
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    Sennheiser HD600/Sennheiser HD650/Koss Pro4 AA

  2. #1242
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Central Virginia

    Posts: 1,736
    I'm Russell.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Reed View Post
    I like that.

    I went to my local G.P. and after initial tests, she told me that I'd have to stop masturbating. When I asked why, she said " because I'm trying to examine you".

    Used to have a successful racing snail, so to reduce weight for even more speed, I took its shell off. Didn't work, though; simply made him more sluggish.

    Bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer last week. No idea what he'd done to them but I was tripping all day.

    I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows far too high. She looked surprised.

    Conjuctivitis.com really is a site for sore eyes.

    It has now been discovered that the two grave-diggers who had been seen wandering aimlessly around the cemetery for hours in south Devon had simply lost the plot.
    I lost it on the medical exam! Took me 15 minutes to catch my breath!

    Russell

  3. #1243
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,858
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ian7633 View Post
    Not exactly a joke but it did make me laugh

    Oh - that's rather good. I like it.
    Barry

  4. #1244
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 99,005
    I'm Grant.

    Default Jokes & Funnies

    Don't get the joke especially, of course Ive never heard of her/him/it so that may be crucial
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  5. #1245
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,858
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    Don't get the joke especially, of course Ive never heard of her/him/it so that may be crucial
    The "it" referred to the joke.

    Re Kanye West: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanye_West Married to Kim Kardashian - but then you probably haven't heard of her either.
    Barry

  6. #1246
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 99,005
    I'm Grant.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry View Post
    The "it" referred to the joke.

    Re Kanye West: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanye_West Married to Kim Kardashian - but then you probably haven't heard of her either.
    Nope sorry.
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  7. #1247
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,858
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    Nope sorry.
    No worries - you haven't missed anything!
    Barry

  8. #1248
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 99,005
    I'm Grant.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry View Post
    No worries - you haven't missed anything!
    Don't watch tv so probably why. I gather he's a rapper and she's a slapper
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***

  9. #1249
    Join Date: Nov 2011

    Location: Romford

    Posts: 11,058
    I'm sorted.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    he's a rapper and she's a slapper
    & you're a poet Grant

  10. #1250
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Norwich

    Posts: 1,064
    I'm Mike.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    Don't get the joke especially, of course Ive never heard of her/him/it so that may be crucial
    I empathise with you ! The name is vaguely familiar, but could be a footballer for all I know/care.


    For a change, I ate three tins of alphabet soup for dinner last evening. Wish I hadn't, though, as it caused a massive vowel movement this morning.

    I do wish I'd bought my baked beans on line, but Heinz' site is a wonderful thing.

    Had a dodgy curry at my local last night and ended up paying for it with violent diarrhoea. With hindsight, I think the chap on the till would have preferred cash.

    I have a weird audiophile friend who can only sleep comfortably on stacks of magazines. To be fair, though, he does have a lot of back issues.

    A rich business friend of Sean Connery tried to buy some of his oil rights from him, but was told that they weren't for shale.

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