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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1631
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 2,420
    I'm Anto.

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    More complaints to the Council.

    I wish to complain that my farther hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

    I request to remove my draws in the kitchen.

    The toilet is blocked and we cannot have a bathe until it is unblocked.

    50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster & 50% are plain filthy.

    I'm still having problems with smoke in my new draws
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  2. #1632
    Join Date: Feb 2020

    Location: Clitheroe, Lancs

    Posts: 742
    I'm Pete.

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  3. #1633
    Join Date: Jul 2009

    Location: Hampshire, UK

    Posts: 3,662
    I'm Adam.

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    Engineers: fixing problems you didn't know you had in ways you don't understand.

  4. #1634
    Join Date: Jun 2014

    Location: Chorley Lancs

    Posts: 14,592
    I'm Steve.

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    These rules already in place on most council estates.
    I just dropped in, to see what condition my condition was in

    T/T: Inspire Monarch, X200 tonearm, Ortofon Quintet Blue. Phono: Project Tube Box CD: Marantz CD6006 (UK Edition); Amp: Musical Fidelity A5 Integrated.
    Speakers: Zu Omen Def, REL T9i subwoofer. Cables: Atlas Equator interconnects, Atlas Hyper 3.0 speaker cables

    T'other system:
    Echo Dot, Amptastic Mini One,Arcam A75 integrated, Celestion 5's, BK XLS-200 DF

    A/V:
    LG 55" OLED, Panasonic Blu Ray, Sony a/v amp, MA Radius speakers, REL Storm sub

    Forget the past, it's gone. And don't worry about the future, it doesn't exist. There is only NOW.

    KICKSTARTER: ENABLING SCAMMERS SINCE 2009

  5. #1635
    Join Date: Oct 2015

    Location: Woodmancote, West Sussex

    Posts: 1,629
    I'm Ian.

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    Turntable
    Toshiba SR-370/Mission 774/Van Damme cable with MS Starline plugs/Ortofon Quintet Black
    CD
    Cambridge CXC transport/modified Musical Fidelity X-DAC/modified Musical Fidelity X-10 V3 tube buffer
    Network Player
    Cambridge NP30
    Amplifier
    Denon HA-500 head amp/Nakamichi CA-5E pre-amp/Chinese passive RVC/Proton AA-1150 DMC power amp
    Speakers
    Mordaunt Short Signifer on original factory stands
    Cables
    Mogami with Rean Neutrik plugs/NVA LS5
    Headphones
    Sennheiser HD600/Sennheiser HD650/Koss Pro4 AA

  6. #1636
    Join Date: Feb 2020

    Location: Clitheroe, Lancs

    Posts: 742
    I'm Pete.

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  7. #1637
    Alex_UK's Avatar
    Alex_UK is offline Spotify + Facebook Moderator / Chilled-Out Wino and only here for the shilling
    Join Date: Aug 2009

    Location: Sunny Suffolk, UK

    Posts: 15,952
    I'm WrappingALilacCurtainAroundMyBobby.

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    Alex

    Main System: Digital: HP Laptop/M2Tech Hiface/Logitech Media Server/FLAC; Marantz SA7001 KI Signature SACD Player and other digital stuff into Gatorised Beresford Caiman DAC Vinyl: Garrard 401/SME 3009 SII Improved/Sumiko HS/Nagaoka MP-30
    Amplifier: Rega Brio R. Speakers: Spendor SP1. Cables: Various, mainly Mark Grant.
    Please see "about me" for the rest of my cr@p! Gallery


    A.o.S. on Facebook - A.o.S. on Spotify - A.o.S. on Twitter

    There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing Aristotle

  8. #1638
    Join Date: Feb 2020

    Location: Clitheroe, Lancs

    Posts: 742
    I'm Pete.

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    cant help thinking dog would of preffered being in a better quality lager box even if it looses the pun.
    Could do i think my dog caught corona (ah mebbe not they stopped making it)

  9. #1639
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 2,420
    I'm Anto.

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    Smurf Sex.
    * This kind of sex happens when you first meet
    someone and you both have sex until you are
    blue in the face.

    Kitchen Sex.
    * This is when you have been with your partner
    for a short time and you are so needy you will
    have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
    Bedroom Sex.
    * This is when you have been with your partner
    for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and
    you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
    Hallway Sex.
    * This is when you have been with your partner
    for too long. When you pass each other in the
    Hallway you both say 'screw you.'
    Religious Sex.
    * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun
    in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
    Courtroom Sex.
    * This is when you cannot stand your wife any
    more. She takes you to court and screws you
    in front of everyone.
    And last, but not least,
    Canada Pension Sex.
    * You get a little each month,
    but not enough to enjoy yourself.
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  10. #1640
    Join Date: Apr 2012

    Location: N E Kent

    Posts: 51,624
    I'm Geoff.

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    Posh people keep their potatoes in sex.
    It is impossible for anything digital to sound analogue, because it isn't analogue!

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