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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. 11-08-2022, 17:53 #1801
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    struth
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    Teacher asked the children what their Dad's did for a living.All the typical answers came up... Builder, fireman, policeman, salesman,etc.Joshua, a kid with a blond mop of hair, was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the Teacher asked him about his Dad. 'My Dad's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the back lane and have sex with them for money.The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring, and took little Joshua aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your Dad?''No,' said Joshua, 'He's just resigned as the PM but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***
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  2. 11-08-2022, 18:00 #1802
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    Barry
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    Haha! Love it!
    Barry
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  3. 04-09-2022, 13:10 #1803
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    struth
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    When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal. “Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.”

    Nobody dared to move, but suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles. With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone. The owner announced “We have a brave winner.”

    After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, and upon arrival, the manager told him “he was very brave to jump” the man replied, “I didn't jump, someone pushed me!”

    His wife smiled...

    Moral of the story — Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him.
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***
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  4. 10-12-2022, 09:47 #1804
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    Kevin

    Too busy enjoying the music....

    European loan coordinator for Graham Slee HiFi system components..
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  5. 08-07-2023, 08:18 #1805
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    Techno Commander
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    Happy speakers.

    Andy.

    Single Mesh Gearbox, Overhead Cam. Mohair motorised wolf, L-L-Looking for lambs

    Power-Assisted Steering, 8-Track Stereo. Leopard Skin Upholstery and FM Radio
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  6. 08-07-2023, 11:45 #1806
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    They look genuine - JBLs?

    Whatever, they made me laugh.
    Barry
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  7. 03-08-2023, 21:54 #1807
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    "Years ago I felt like a male trapped inside a female's body, then I was born". Vic Reeves.
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  8. 04-10-2023, 16:31 #1808
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    Pigmy Pony
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    Dirty Doris, Chorley's newest "Lady of the night" wasn't much to look at. She met up with her man after her first night on the job to hand over her takings.

    "£40.20? who paid you twenty pence?"

    "All of them."
    I just dropped in, to see what condition my condition was in

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  9. 04-10-2023, 17:03 #1809
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    she was fairly going through the the queue... thats about 17 an hr
    Regards,
    Grant .... ؠ ......Don't be such a big girl's blouse

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    FIIO K7 BT, M11 PLUS, BTR7, KA5 - OPPO BDP-103D - PANASONIC UB450 - PANASONIC 4K ULTRA HD TV - PIXEL 6 - AVANTREE LR BLUETOOTH - 2* X600 SOUNDCORE - HEADPHONES INCLUDE, FIIO, NURAPHONES', FOCAL, OPPO, BOSE, CAMBRIDGE, BOWER & WILKINS, DEVIALET, MARSHALL, SONY, MITCHELL & JOHNSTON - 2*ZBOOK'S- MERCURY BD ROM, ROON, QOBUZ, TIDAL, PLEX, CYBERLINK, JRIVER - MULTI HDD'S -

    Oh my god! There's nothing wrong with the bidet is there?

    “Nothing discloses real character like the use of power. It is easy for the weak to be gentle. Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what a man really is, give him power. This is the supreme test. It is the glory of Lincoln that, having almost absolute power, he never abused it, except on the side of mercy".

    “You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them. A little mouse of thought appears in the room, and even the mightiest potentates are thrown into panic.”

    "You don't have free will. You have the appearance of free will.”

    “There's a war out there, old friend. A world war. And it's not about who's got the most bullets. It's about who controls the information. What we see and hear, how we work, what we think... it's all about the information!”


    ***SMILE, BE HAPPY***
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. 04-10-2023, 20:28 #1810
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    Pigmy Pony
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    Well it was Friday, payday. We were queuing round the block
    I just dropped in, to see what condition my condition was in

    T/T: Inspire Monarch, X200 tonearm, Ortofon Quintet Blue. Phono: Project Tube Box CD: Marantz CD6006 (UK Edition); Amp: Musical Fidelity A5 Integrated.
    Speakers: Zu Omen Def, REL T9i subwoofer. Cables: Atlas Equator interconnects, Atlas Hyper 3.0 speaker cables

    T'other system:
    Echo Dot, Amptastic Mini One,Arcam A75 integrated, Celestion 5's, BK XLS-200 DF

    A/V:
    LG 55" OLED, Panasonic Blu Ray, Sony a/v amp, MA Radius speakers, REL Storm sub

    Forget the past, it's gone. And don't worry about the future, it doesn't exist. There is only NOW.

    KICKSTARTER: ENABLING SCAMMERS SINCE 2009
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