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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1721
    Join Date: Oct 2012

    Location: The Black Country

    Posts: 6,089
    I'm Alan.

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    'e' by gum, I think there is one too many in there.

  2. #1722
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

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    Maybe he was bad at spelling too, I dunno, I just tell em...

    How about some really stupid ones?

    My mute pigeon struggled to tell me that he tried to overthrow the government. It was an attempted coo.

    I've just bought the personalized number plate BAA BAA for my black jeep.

    Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.


  3. #1723
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

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    Here's one I really like:

    A man goes into a library. He asks the librarian where the books about paranoia are. She says: "They are behind you!"



    I don't know many jokes about Covid-19. But we need some. Anybody?

  4. #1724
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,853
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by system7 View Post

    I don't know many jokes about Covid-19. But we need some. Anybody?
    See posts 1691, 1695, 1703, 1705 and 1711.
    Barry

  5. #1725
    Join Date: Jun 2012

    Location: Portsmouth, UK

    Posts: 503
    I'm Steve.

    Default

    You want me to use Google?

    I am a Linux man. Wouldn't touch it with a bargepole.

    A Roman Catholic priest, a Protestant minister and a rabbit walk in to a blood bank. The rabbit says: I think I am a type O.



    Now tell me a joke about the Germ.

  6. #1726
    Join Date: Mar 2008

    Location: Galashiels

    Posts: 13,669
    I'm inthescottishmafia.

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    They laughed at him and called him names, so he killed them. He killed them all.
    “Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel. Sentimental people call it inspiration, but what they really mean is fuel. I have always needed fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio”

    Hunter S Thompson

  7. #1727
    Join Date: Mar 2008

    Location: Galashiels

    Posts: 13,669
    I'm inthescottishmafia.

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    “Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel. Sentimental people call it inspiration, but what they really mean is fuel. I have always needed fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio”

    Hunter S Thompson

  8. #1728
    Join Date: Apr 2012

    Location: N E Kent

    Posts: 51,624
    I'm Geoff.

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    They bungled the name of the pub.
    It is impossible for anything digital to sound analogue, because it isn't analogue!

  9. #1729
    Join Date: Mar 2008

    Location: Galashiels

    Posts: 13,669
    I'm inthescottishmafia.

    Default

    “Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel. Sentimental people call it inspiration, but what they really mean is fuel. I have always needed fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio”

    Hunter S Thompson

  10. #1730
    Join Date: Jul 2009

    Location: Hampshire, UK

    Posts: 3,662
    I'm Adam.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by system7 View Post
    Did you hear about the dyslexic who sold his louse to Santa?

    A deep level of humour there.

    Most folks wont get it.
    Apparently there’s now a cure for dyslexia.

    This news was music to my arse.
    Engineers: fixing problems you didn't know you had in ways you don't understand.

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