Jokes & Funnies

[synsei]

[mr sneff]

Our local Outdoor/Camping shop was having a sale and to advertise it the poster in the window said "Now is the winter of our discount tent"

[pjdowns]

to Chris' video

[mr sneff]

One day a fly was buzzing round a farmyard when he noticed that the stables had just been mucked out, and there was a great steaming pile of manure outside in the yard, So he flew down and began to feed. Two hours later he was absolutely bloated and decided that it was time to fly somewhere to sleep off his enormous meal. Unfortunately he was so heavy he couldn't get airborne. Just then he noticed a shovel leaning against a barn door and thought "if I climb to the top of the shovel handle I'll have enough height to get me going". 15 minutes later he'd crawled to the top of the shovel and he launched himself into the air, only to immediately plummet to the ground, killing himself.

Which just goes to prove: You should never fly off the handle if you're full of shit

[Stratmangler]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-24844182

[synsei]

One day a fly was buzzing round a farmyard when he noticed that the stables had just been mucked out, and there was a great steaming pile of manure outside in the yard, So he flew down and began to feed. Two hours later he was absolutely bloated and decided that it was time to fly somewhere to sleep off his enormous meal. Unfortunately he was so heavy he couldn't get airborne. Just then he noticed a shovel leaning against a barn door and thought "if I climb to the top of the shovel handle I'll have enough height to get me going". 15 minutes later he'd crawled to the top of the shovel and he launched himself into the air, only to immediately plummet to the ground, killing himself.

Which just goes to prove: You should never fly off the handle if you're full of shit

[bobbasrah]

The carbon footprint culture needs barbecued... Roasted civil servants anyone?

[mr sneff]

How the Greek Bailout works.....


It is a slow day in a little Greek Village.

The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village in his BMW, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner, he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs, in order to pick one room in which to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys, and as soon as the visitor has turned the stairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note, and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The head honcho at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich German will not suspect anything.

At that moment the German comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything - No one earned anything - However, the whole village is now out of debt, and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the Greek bailout package works.....

Apparently the Greek recession is now so bad that all production of Houmous and Taramasalata has been halted. It's officially a double dip recession

[bobbasrah]

Nice footnote....

[mimoser]

What will any man standing up to his navel in water say?
.
..
...
this is well above my IQ-level

(might be a bad translation from a German pun, so criticisms always welcome)
Michael