Jokes & Funnies

[walpurgis]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

[walpurgis]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

[User211]

Been reading this book on anti-gravity and I can't put it down.

[andyrlb]

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

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[Pigmy Pony]

A bloke was out driving his brand new Bentley, and while sat at the lights, a scabby old Punto pulls up at his side.

Man in Punto shouts "Hey! you got a phone in your Bentley? I've got one in my Punto!"

"Yes, my Bentley has a phone."

I've got a fridge in my Punto. Does yours have a fridge? Mine does!"

Slightly annoyed the man replies, Of course it has a fridge!"

"I have a bed in the back of my Punto, I bet you don't have a bed!"

The man in the Bentley speeds away from the lights, and he's properly pissed off. He drives to a bed shop, and has a top-off-the-range bed fitted, with the best memory foam mattress with regulated temperature and silk sheets. He then spends the next five hours searching for the Punto.

Eventually he finds the Punto on a deserted car park, and all its windows are steamed up. He knocks on the window, but no reply. He keeps knocking and eventually Punto man opens his window, his head soaking wet.

"Hey, you horrible little man, I have a bed in my Bentley, and it's better than anything you'll have in there!"

"You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

[andyrlb]

A bloke was out driving his brand new Bentley, and while sat at the lights, a scabby old Punto pulls up at his side.

Man in Punto shouts "Hey! you got a phone in your Bentley? I've got one in my Punto!"

"Yes, my Bentley has a phone."

I've got a fridge in my Punto. Does yours have a fridge? Mine does!"

Slightly annoyed the man replies, Of course it has a fridge!"

"I have a bed in the back of my Punto, I bet you don't have a bed!"

The man in the Bentley speeds away from the lights, and he's properly pissed off. He drives to a bed shop, and has a top-off-the-range bed fitted, with the best memory foam mattress with regulated temperature and silk sheets. He then spends the next five hours searching for the Punto.

Eventually he finds the Punto on a deserted car park, and all its windows are steamed up. He knocks on the window, but no reply. He keeps knocking and eventually Punto man opens his window, his head soaking wet.

"Hey, you horrible little man, I have a bed in my Bentley, and it's better than anything you'll have in there!"

"You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

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[Crackles]

A bloke was out driving his brand new Bentley, and while sat at the lights, a scabby old Punto pulls up at his side.

Man in Punto shouts "Hey! you got a phone in your Bentley? I've got one in my Punto!"

"Yes, my Bentley has a phone."

I've got a fridge in my Punto. Does yours have a fridge? Mine does!"

Slightly annoyed the man replies, Of course it has a fridge!"

"I have a bed in the back of my Punto, I bet you don't have a bed!"

The man in the Bentley speeds away from the lights, and he's properly pissed off. He drives to a bed shop, and has a top-off-the-range bed fitted, with the best memory foam mattress with regulated temperature and silk sheets. He then spends the next five hours searching for the Punto.

Eventually he finds the Punto on a deserted car park, and all its windows are steamed up. He knocks on the window, but no reply. He keeps knocking and eventually Punto man opens his window, his head soaking wet.

"Hey, you horrible little man, I have a bed in my Bentley, and it's better than anything you'll have in there!"

"You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

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[hifilover]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

Dad joke of the week right there

[RichB]

Went for a job interview today, was asked if I can perform under pressure...

Said no, but I can do a cracking Bohemian Rhapsody.

[walpurgis]

When I go, I want to die in my sleep like Grandad....................Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car!