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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1501
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 2,420
    I'm Anto.

    Default

    I said to the missus last night, "Here, put this nurses outfit on."

    "Ooh," she said seductively. "Why is that?"

    I said, "We need a loaf!"
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  2. #1502
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 2,420
    I'm Anto.

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    I told my mate that I got fired for downloading porn at work and causing everything to crash.

    "That's a bit harsh," he said.

    "They don't mess around at Air Traffic Control!" I replied.
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  3. #1503
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 2,420
    I'm Anto.

    Default

    Last night at the strip club the ugliest woman I've ever seen dances up to me and says, "Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"

    I said, "My glasses!"
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  4. #1504
    Join Date: Feb 2020

    Location: Clitheroe, Lancs

    Posts: 742
    I'm Pete.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Oddball View Post
    My wife woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning...

    I love felt tip pens!
    Haha made missus chuckle

  5. #1505
    Join Date: Jan 2009

    Location: Essex

    Posts: 31,853
    I'm openingabottleofwine.

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    For some inexplicable reason, an advert for this book popped up whilst I was looking for something on Google:



    !!! ?
    Barry

  6. #1506
    Join Date: Feb 2020

    Location: Clitheroe, Lancs

    Posts: 742
    I'm Pete.

    Default

    know a few of them

  7. #1507
    Join Date: Oct 2015

    Location: Woodmancote, West Sussex

    Posts: 1,629
    I'm Ian.

    Default

    Even Batman is Social Distancing
    Turntable
    Toshiba SR-370/Mission 774/Van Damme cable with MS Starline plugs/Ortofon Quintet Black
    CD
    Cambridge CXC transport/modified Musical Fidelity X-DAC/modified Musical Fidelity X-10 V3 tube buffer
    Network Player
    Cambridge NP30
    Amplifier
    Denon HA-500 head amp/Nakamichi CA-5E pre-amp/Chinese passive RVC/Proton AA-1150 DMC power amp
    Speakers
    Mordaunt Short Signifer on original factory stands
    Cables
    Mogami with Rean Neutrik plugs/NVA LS5
    Headphones
    Sennheiser HD600/Sennheiser HD650/Koss Pro4 AA

  8. #1508
    Join Date: Nov 2013

    Location: Powys

    Posts: 1,199
    I'm David.

    Default

    Under current guidelines nobody should cough within 2 metres of you. If they do then it is to be recorded as a ‘near cough’ and you should immediately instruct them to 'far cough.’…

  9. #1509
    Join Date: Dec 2010

    Location: North Lincs

    Posts: 193
    I'm Keith.

    Default

    Brilliant

  10. #1510
    Join Date: Jan 2020

    Location: South Yorkshire

    Posts: 2,683
    I'm Andre.

    Default

    Im suprised no one made a thing out of Paul Hardcastle '19'

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