Piped Music

I have really mixed opinions on piped music.

Some people have assembled against the scourge of piped music in order to, in the words of the PipeDown organization, obtain “freedom from piped music.” And while it remains obvious to just about everyone that this is really just about 80s pop duo Wham! (but that they would have felt bad singling them out), there are also a few benefits we may see from eliminating piped music altogether.

First let’s look at the good scenarios for piped music:

Coffee shop (inside): forgivable for covering unwanted background noises. Because of the odd, strange souls who actually eat the sixteen dollar sandwiches at their local coffee shops (I try to give them my spare change if I have any) a significant amount of screeching, scraping and scratching can be heard from forks, plates, chip bags and such other nonsense. Although it is my hope that we will all eventually evolve to the point of liquefying all of our food for the most convenient, quick and quiet consumption, these issues still plague our primitive eon and piped music can be slightly tolerable in this case so long as the stereotypical hipster-folk songs (always purposely bad in an effort to cast some sort of double-ironic commentary on the inadequacy of one’s parents) aren’t repeated ad infinitum so as to actually rival the number of atoms in the sun in quantity.

Bathrooms: It’s becoming increasingly recommended via articles like these shared via facebook, etc. that the infinitely prestigious architects of our bathroom experiences pipe music into public restrooms. While I hardly trust the musical taste of these tireless minds, in this case it can actually be somewhat forgivable due to the nature of the alternative soundscape one is to be subjected to. Although this does give me an idea for an environmental sounds album that is truly postmodern. The best policy is to avoid restrooms altogether which takes a considerable amount of discipline but is nevertheless very rewarding for those who see the value in ascetic virtues. If you live somewhere like New York City, public restrooms barely exist so it’s not much of a challenge in the first place.

Bad scenarios:

Coffee shop: outside

Sometimes when the music sucks just too much a quick break outside is called for. But horror: the music is piped outside as well. Such an inconceivable choice is almost as senseless as choosing crunchy peanut butter when smooth was available at the same price (the chunks of peanut have a lower caloric density vs perfectly ground, meaning that you have been bamboozled by peanut tycoons inflating their profit margins and trying to save wear and tear on peanut grinders; you also could have saved yourself time chewing which, over the quantity of your life could add up to several more minutes you could have spent doing something productive like posting on forums). Now you have to sprint twenty five feet away to escape the music, running so fast that you nearly spark a mass panic as people wonder what on earth you’re running from. Meanwhile, your previously claimed perfect spot languishes unattended while passersby circle it like vultures. By the time the precisely three minute and one second track is over it will unquestionably be taken. Sure, you left a plastic fork there in vain hope that it would serve as a territorial marker but one of the baristas who insists on being a weirdly good employee has already cleared it away and swept the spot clear of crumbs, mistakenly thinking a child was sitting there due to the unusual quantity and wide pattern of crumbscatter you left from your sweet potato scone.

Medical office waiting rooms

It has been scientifically verified by a number of peer-reviewed studies that “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston will come on over the course of any normal forty five minute waiting room session. Now for some people, this situation is a fifty-fifty. If there’s a middle aged woman in there who you have been checking out, then this is a great opportunity to spice up your afternoon with some mostly harmless pre-weekend dancing. However, it is a known fact that this behavior is frowned upon in some circles and could create such a fiasco as to cause a delay in receiving your medication for frequent urination due to the perceived need for additional tests for contraindication on the basis of neurochemical imbalances.

But for others, this is a negative as you’ll most likely get swept up in the ensuing dance frenzy, work your way through the ad hoc prom and awkwardly strut up to the cute receptionist only to see her engagement ring and come up with an idiotic sounding excuse to bail out of your advances along the lines of “I just wanted to come up here and ask you if you would want to… em… switch your keyboard to a Dvorak layout. Which could really increase workplace ergonomics.”

I voted yay but it is along time since I worked anywhere with piped music. When I did it drove me round the twist. Same songs over and over on a wobbly tape loop.

Last time I was in a pub (last Tuesday lunchtime, in fact) there was a really weird mix of music. It started off with barely audible noodly jazz (double bass and piano), moved on to some Motown/soul classics (Heard It Through The Grapevine, for example), then a bit of Portishead, then back to the noodly jazz.

Better than modern chart music though at least. Can't believe how bad most of that is nowadays.

That is one of the funniest and well-worded posts I have read here for some time. Well done.

Where I live here in the UK, I seem to be largely untroubled by 'muzak'. None of the supermarkets play it (instead there are annoying advertising announcements or promotions), nor do they play any music in my surgery's waiting room. In fact the only music I hear being played in a shop is in the various charity shops I visit, ironically, to seek out music records and CDs.

Unfortunately, my dentist does have 'mood music' playing in his room (invariably whale "calls"), which I do find irritating, but I assume is for the benefit of the dental surgeon and his assistant.

But I can't vote as I don't know what the question is.

That is some good stuff! I can agree with you on most every count. Luckily my doctor’s office plays no such piped music, but the alternative is, you can’t have a conversation that everyone in the room isn’t eavesdropping on it. So you feel the need to speak up so the people in the back can hear. The Smart Phone has solved the problem of what to do while waiting for the doctor, and you’ll see everyone poking away at their’s.

Restaurant music can be nice, if it properly sets the mood, and isolates conversations, and masks eating noises. But a bad song can really ruin the mood, no doubt. I once ate in this fancy place that had a live piano player, and I didn’t mind for the most part, until he sang a few songs, and hammered out some ragtime, most distracting, and too loud for eating. It makes you wonder how people got along before canned music? I wouldn’t mind trying it.

Russell

live cabaret? no, i know what you mean. sometimes its ok if decent music and at right level etc but most of it is sickening

I was once in the waiting room of Mental Health Hospital and Gary Jules' Mad World came over the piped music system, made me :lol:

lift music,well it does not elevate me !