With you on that one bro:yesbruv: inbred German parasites the lot of themQuote:
Originally Posted by Marco
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With you on that one bro:yesbruv: inbred German parasites the lot of themQuote:
Originally Posted by Marco
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloom in well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunken people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, "13! 13! 13!" The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Someone poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting, "14! 14! 14!"
Yeah, one of the Corgis!Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
By the way I was representing a client in court. A nice man. An animal lover. In fact so much so that he was charged with bestiality. The judge said to me: 'This is disgusting, how low can you go?" While I was trying to answer this the client spoke up form the dock: 'Dacshund'.
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 55
You'll need to be in comfortable, loose-fitting clothing, and barefoot, or wearing good quality trainers.
With a 5-lb potato bag in your hands, extend your arms together straight out in front, and hold them there as long as is comfortable. Aim to hold for 30 seconds, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
When you can manage two full minutes, move up to a 10-lb potato bag. Then try a 20-lb potato bag, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50-lb potato bag, and hold your arms straight out for two minutes. (I'm at this level).
Once you feel confident at that level, put a small potato in the bag . . .:)
A man walks into a Chemist's, with his 8-year old son.They walk by the condom shelves, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
The Dad replies, “Those are Condoms Son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that, in Sex Education at School."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this pack?"
The dad replies, "Those are for Sixth-Form boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool," says the boy. Then he notices the 6 packs and asks, "Then who are these meant for then?"
"Those are for College boys," the Dad answers. "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy." ... "Then who on earth uses THOSE?" he asks, pointing to a 12 pack.
With a deep sigh, and a tear in his eye, the Dad replies, "Those are for married men Son . . . One for January, One for February, one for March . . . "
Police in South London recently found tan Ice-cream seller dead in his van, his hair was matted with rasperry ripple and chocolate sauce, hundreds and thousands an crushed nuts covered his body and a flake was stuck up his arse.
Police believe he topped himself.
Paper is dead. long live the computer
http://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0
Excellent.... Try preventing skidders with *that*! :eyebrows:
Marco.
A guy goes to his pharmacy and asks for a pack of Viagra.
"Do you have a prescription?" the pharmacist asks.
"No, but here's a picture of my wife," he replied.