Jokes & Funnies

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Originally Posted by Techno Commander

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GLKlzWuNbW...I/s1600/ss.jpg

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Excellent! :lol:

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%..


It's called a Wedding Cake

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Originally Posted by snapper

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y19...RKCQAAj-E-.jpg

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He obviously needs this

A 7 year old and his 4 year old brother are in their bedroom.

“You know what” says the 7 year old. “I think it is time we started swearing.

When we go down stairs for breakfast I'll swear first then you”

“OK” says the 4 year old.

Mum asks 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. “I'll have Coco Pops, bitch”

WHACK!!!, he flew off his chair crying his eyes out.

Mum looked at 4 year old and said rather sternly “And what do you want?”.

“Dunno but it won't be f*****g Coco Pops.”

Perspire - How cathedral builders get paid
Perverse - How poets get paid
Perpetuate - How Korean restaurant owners get paid
Panting - Jamaican cooking utensil
Grating - Something Jamaicans really like.

Methinks a fan of the Radio 4 'quiz' - "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue". :)

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Originally Posted by Barry

Methinks a fan of the Radio 4 'quiz' - "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue". :)

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Well spotted :D

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Originally Posted by Techno Commander

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street. One from London, another from Bristol and the third, Liverpool.

They go with a government official to examine the wall.
The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will run about £900: £400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, 'I can do this job for £700: £300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'
The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or do figures but leans over to the Government official and whispers, "£2,700"
The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'
The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.'
'Done!' replies the government official.

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In 90% of the world that is not a joke.

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Originally Posted by Andrei

In 90% of the world that is not a joke.

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So true. My local authority experience saw much of the same. Manager turns up in brand new car, favoured contractor turns up later in similar brand new car and only one digit separates the registration numbers. Go figure!!

Bonopoly - Like Monopoly but the streets have no name.