Presumably the Sun is behaving itself these Leveson days.... Or have they not yet run with "Massive police sweep for free Essex pussy called off" ?
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Presumably the Sun is behaving itself these Leveson days.... Or have they not yet run with "Massive police sweep for free Essex pussy called off" ?
If not, they should have! :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by bobbasrah
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.
'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'
'Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?'
'You're with the GOVERNMENT..This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed.'
Maybe we did this one already but I can't be arsed to check...
The Grim Reaper came for me today. Fortunately I was able to beat him off with the only thing I had to hand - the vacuum cleaner!
Talk about Dyson with Death!
Boom - Tish - Thang you I'm here all week...
The two Homosexual Ghosts........
trying to put the willies up each other!
Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.
'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc, she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
'Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?'
'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'
God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless tit?'
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that stuff about the rib?
Superb! :lol:
Marco.
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