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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops....
Although, they do make me look a bit gay.
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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the circus, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
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I was at the swimming baths today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.
The life guard must have noticed. The twat blew his whistle so f'kin loud I nearly fell off the diving board!
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Can I play too?
I was at the swimming baths today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.
The life guard must have noticed. The twat blew his whistle so f'kin loud i nearly fell off the diving board!
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Hehehe. The gag was funny but that made me laugh out loud!
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Thanks Chris, I shall try to remember in future......
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So let's see now....
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The Godfather finds out that his accountant, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
The reason that Guido got the job is that he is completely and profoundly deaf. When he hired him, The Godfather thought that if Guido could hear nothing about the business activities of The Family he wouldn't be able to testify against them in court. When The Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing US$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather says to the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where's the money?”
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells The Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again - tell him this is his last chance - either he tells me, or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "This is your last chance Guido, my friend - he really will kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK, OK! Please don't kill me! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried in the flowerbed ten paces behind the shed at my cousin Antonio's house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "So what did the little worm say - where's my god-damned money?"
The lawyer replies, "He says that your mother is a whore, he's been having sex with your wife for the last five years, your children are junkies, your dog is a rabid mongrel & you don't have the balls to pull the trigger"
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When I die, I want to go like grandad did. In my sleep! .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...........Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
