Cheeky lolololololQuote:
Originally Posted by Barry
Natalie;)
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Cheeky lolololololQuote:
Originally Posted by Barry
Natalie;)
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates….
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?', St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
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That is brilliant :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Natalie and Dom;)
It's taken two days, but I've finally worked out what upset my wife on Valentines day. I asked he what she'd like, and she said she'd like something black and lacy in a size 10. Turns out she didn't mean football boots.
I was sitting in the pub with SWMBO and I said "I love you". She said "Is that you or the beer talking ?" I replied "It's me,I'm talking to the beer".
:lolsign:
Wife is getting ready for a night out and standing looking at herself in front of the mirror...
She turns to her husband despondently as says: "My hair is a mess, my face is full or wrinkles and I'm fat. Pay me a compliment, darling, to cheer me up!"
The husband thinks for a minute and replies: "Well, sweetheart, there's fuck all wrong with your eyesight!!"
Marco.
:lol: Love it mate . I'm gonna try that one to the wife and after I pick myself up off the floor I'll get back to you . :eyebrows:
Brian.
Lol - let us know if she appreciates it or not! :eyebrows:
Marco.
A woman walks into Tiffany's.
She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it behind equally flawless bullet proof glass.
As she bends over to inspect its flawlessness and size more closely, much to her horror she unexpectedly slips out a small, but very loud, and very obvious fart.
Embarrassed, she looks around to see if anyone noticed her indiscretion, and her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a Sales Consultant, immediately behind her.
Good looking, suave, tall, cool as a cucumber, and displaying all the qualities one would expect of a Tiffany's consultant. He smiles revealing perfectly straight white teeth and says "Good morning ma'am, is there anything I can help you with".
Blushing slightly, and still hoping he didn't notice her little indiscretion, she asks the consultant "ummm, yes... I was just looking at that stunning bracelet and was wondering about the price?"
The consultant replies "Are you absolutely certain of that Madam? Because if you farted when you saw it, you'll completely shit yourself when you hear the price".
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