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I met a lovely girl on the Internet a few months ago, she is sexy, funny, smart and very compassionate. Despite being only 16 she is very mature and intelligent for her age.
We recently started sharing sexy photos and stories, she really turns me on and says that I turn here on! I think we might be in love!
Yesterday she told me she is a police officer.
How cool is that for her age? :)
I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."
But she did.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine!"
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello'
WOMAN: 'Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?'
MAN: 'Yes'
WOMAN: 'I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'
MAN: ‘Sure go ahead if you like it that much.'
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2011 models. I saw one I really liked.'
MAN: 'How much?'
WOMAN: '£70,000?'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking £950,000?'
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.'
WOMAN: 'OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!'
MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open...
He smiles and asks, 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'
:lolsign:
I was in a night club the other weekend, and by the dancefloor looking very lonely was a great big fat lass...
I went over and asked her if she had a pen
With an exclamation of surprise and enthusiasm she blurted out "Yes I have!"
So I replied..."Well you'd better hurry up and get back there before the farmer realises you're missing"
i like that one Will :lolsign:
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night.
He hypnotised 7 blokes then dropped the mike on his foot and said, "Fuck me"!
What happened next will haunt me forever :stalks:
:lolsign:
My wife was on her death bed called me over & asked me to open a box from under the bed. Inside I found 3 eggs & £7000 in cash. "What are the eggs for?" I asked. She replied "every time we had crap sex i would put an egg in the box. "Not bad" I said, "3 eggs in 35 years. And the cash?" She replied. "Every time i got a dozen i sold them......"