i thought you kept Tennor for men in business king of the nappie boys Marco, Bitty, Bitty
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i thought you kept Tennor for men in business king of the nappie boys Marco, Bitty, Bitty
A bloke buys a parrot as a Christmas present for his son. The parrot turns out to be evil, pecking everyone in sight and with an uncanny knowledge of swearwords and insults. So in the few days before Christmas, the guy decides that before his son gets his present, he's going to try to clean up the violent, foul mouthed birds act.
He tries and tries to change the bird's attitude by saying only polite friendly words, playing soft music and anything else he can think of.
Finally, he gets completely fed up and he yells at the parrot. The parrot yells back. He shakes the parrot and the parrot gets angrier and even ruder.
In desperation, he shouts: "I'll teach you, you dirty little bastard", grabs the bird and chucks him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawks and screams, his swearing becoming worse & worse. Then suddenly there's total silence.
The silence continues for several minutes so the guy goes to read his paper.
After another 10 minutes, he starts to feel sorry for the parrot & realises he may have put it at severe risk, he runs to the kitchen & quickly opens the freezer door.
The parrot calmly steps out onto the guy's arm and says: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
The guy is stunned at the complete change in the bird's attitude & he puts him on his shoulder and feeds him a nut. The parrot starts to compliment the guy on the way his beautiful home is decorated and how he must be very wealthy and clever to earn enough to buy such nice things for himself and his family.
After a while the bird goes quiet for a while and then asks in a humble voice: "May I ask what it was that the turkey did to upset you?"
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales, or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
Had to post a pic of the T-shirt my other half just got me-
http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/4277/tshirtgxi.jpg
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge £20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25..."
Excellent! That's a bit like Fonejacker... One of my favourite programmes! :)
Marco.
Hahahaha... What a thick mare! :lol:
It's the way she looks back, though, after getting out of the fountain, as if to say: 'who the fuck put that there??', that compounds her stupidity even further!! :mental:
That's the problem with folk these days glued to their bloody mobiles!! ;)
Marco.
i-Sleep
There's a nap for that