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Thank you Marco :)
Well I've just enjoyed a very entertaining (not) 4 and a half hours down at A&E at Mrs. P's insistence. Turns out I took an unstable fracture of my right hand on holiday with me. They've put a plaster cast on it, and I'm hoping it won't keep me from working.
What really bothers me though is that it's my arse wiping hand. "Anita, a little help please! And bring your marigolds".
Ah, nightmare. Hope it heals soon, mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
As long as it's not your 'hand-shandy' hand, you'll be all right!:eyebrows:Quote:
What really bothers me though is that it's my arse wiping hand.
Marco.
No it's my ball-bag tickling hand, so that's alright then. I asked the nurse to keep my fingers free for that very purpose. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
Nothing wrong with a change of hand. Someone once told me it's a bit like having a new bird.
Sent from my BLN-L21 using TapatalkQuote:
Originally Posted by Marco
Yesh, especially if it has a hairy palm:eyebrows:
Marco.
With any luck she'll wash your balls during the bed bath, then attend later to any subsequent 'stiffness';)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
Marco.
If she's anything like Joanne Whalley (Nurse Mills in "The Singing Detective"), I'll be a happy chappy :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
Someone on the telly once recommended sitting on your hand for a few minutes beforehand to make it numb. He called it "the stranger". :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lawrence001
I know, I can still hear those latex gloves snapping on over her long fingers, with that glint in her eye... And at the time, remember the amount of 'wet dreams' it spawned :eyebrows:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
Marco.
Oh, a glint, is that what it's called? In Chorley we just call it jizz.
She's well knocking on now though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
Ha... I used to like making 'stalactites' on my bedroom ceiling, in the days when I could fire it up that high:eyebrows:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
Marco.
:lol: Those were the days! Now I'm doing well if I can get the old spunk gun to point in that direction.
As the "Oldest Swinger In Town" said: "It takes me all night to do what I used to do all night".
She's still younger than me though, and to be honest I see much worse ones at half her age dragging their kids round the pound shops. In those leggings that make their legs look like two piles of crumpets.Quote:
Originally Posted by walpurgis
But not quite as nice as the one you posted earlier this year, Dana Delaney. In fact there's no comparison. :)
Went to a wedding last Saturday - that's two this year and a christening as well. At my time in life I seem to be going to more far more funerals than I would care, so it is nice to celebrate peoples' start in life and not their end.
I haven't bought any CDs or LPs for the last fortnight. Usually I can buy up to five or more a week. What's going on?
You've come to the end of the music that's actually worth buying? That happened to me years ago.Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
but your taste is narrower than mine ..lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Macca
Narrower? I think you meant 'More eclectic' :D
That's certainly true, but I have to admit that, out with of the eating and drinking part, I'm no fan of weddings, particularly if you only know a small percentage of folks there, which unless it's your own, is often the case! The same goes for Christenings, as I don't 'do' cooing over babies either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
I'm not one for engaging in 'small talk' at the best of times, and so sitting round a table for hours talking shite to some stranger about pish I'm not in the slightest bit interested in (their kids or whatever), bores me to tears!:rolleyes:
And then you've got the 'night do', and having (yet again) to sit at a table for hours, only this time deafened by some shite music, playing through a pair of even more SHITE distorted speakers, by some dimwit 'DJ', such that you can't hear anyone speak, then having to smile and endure watching a load of old grans and kids 'dancing' to the 'Birdie Song' (or whatever), and pretending to enjoy yourself, whilst inside you're cringing and DYING to get home, isn't exactly my idea of fun!!:doh:
Sounds familiar...? Consequently, I avoid them like the plague.
Marco.
Much better with a good funeral knees up
Perhaps, as long as it's short and sweet! It means having to wear a shirt and tie though, so that's a pisser....:rolleyes:
TBH, I only really enjoy socialising with folks I know well, who are of a similar age, and with whom I share common interests. Otherwise, it's a chore and avoided at all costs!
Marco.
you better come to mine ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
Lol... I will, but that won't be for AGES yet!;)
Marco.
i wouldnt bet too much on it.. but hope your right:lol:
You might outlive me, ya bassa!:eyebrows::D
Marco.
Ya grumpy bugger! I was going to ask you to be my plus one at my uncle Derek's night do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
Boring weddings are what alcohol and recreational drugs were invented for! Then even the worst of the DJ's selections can sound ok (but not the Birdy Song, there aren't enough substances in the world to make that listenable). And if you get too pissed or wasted, people will leave you alone. It's a win win!
A word of caution: overdoing it might make the bride's mother look great, really overdoing it might make the bride's dad look great, and that's never going to end well.
Ha...trust me, I'm most often the polar opposite of grumpy, but I just can't stand that sort of inane shite. I'll make an exception for you though, shweety!:eyebrows:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
Yes, but I'm not a big drinker, and also usually driving, so sitting there sober as a judge, listening to 'aunt Petunia' chuntering on about her prize roses, or such like, or suffering listening to some cack pop music, played full pelt through a distorting PA system, is the very definition of torture!Quote:
Boring weddings are what alcohol and recreational drugs were invented for! Then even the worst of the DJ's selections can sound ok (but not the Birdy Song, there aren't enough substances in the world to make that listenable). And if you get too pissed or wasted, people will leave you alone. It's a win win!
I'd rather pick crabs out my Jap's eye with a rusty needle.
Marco.
I see what you mean, to endure these things stone cold sober would be grim beyond words.
Glad that you can make it to uncle Derek's do though. Going by his behaviour at his previous four weddings (they used to call it civil partnership), he uses these do's to shop around for his next partner, and you could be just his type!
Dress code: same as that weekend we had in Blackpool. :booty:
I'd rather the one we flounced around Brighton in, ducky... That rubber catsuit of yours was simply to die for:kiss:
Marco.
I wish now I had never mentioned weddings or funerals! :doh:
The religious observances do nothing for me, but I do enjoy the reception or wake. If the venue is nearby I'll use a taxi, if further away I'll book a hotel room. That way I can enjoy a drink or three.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
Why? It was worth getting that off my chest!:D
Marco.
Blimey. If I didn't know you'd written that I'd have put it down to macca. It sounds just like sonething he's say. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony
If you're Catholic the actual wedding goes on for so long that it doesn't matter how crap the do is afterwards it still comes as a blessed relief. In fact if the do involved being locked in a bamboo cage and prodded with sharp sticks by Viet Cong guerrillas it would still be an improvement by comparison.
The wedding I attended was Catholic - the Order of Service covered four sides of A5 paper. I found it fascinating from an anthropological point of view.
You got off lightly mate. Worst I went to was two and a half hours long. Of course they prepare you for it at Catholic school. End of term School Mass would be a good 3 hours. It would take an hour just for everyone to take Communion. But even so it's a killer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
Rather do time
That's pretty standard. How many hymns were there?Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
The actual wedding service and mass (if it's Catholic) is bit I enjoy most, as it's what I'm used to. If the reception afterwards is full of folk I know well, and have things in common with, then I'll enjoy that, too. Otherwise, no!
Marco.
Interesting... As a practicing Catholic since birth, that's completely alien to me. A standard Sunday mass is over within an hour, and no mass I attended at school was any longer. The longest mass in the current Catholic calendar is the one on Holy Thursday, during Lent, which is a good 2 hours long, but I've never been to a 3-hour mass in my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Macca
You must've had some right doddery old priests!
Marco.
And printed in 6pt Gill Sans!Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry
Several, plus a lot of chanting or intoning by the priest.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
The Bride was Russian, the groom Cameroonian, so there was an interesting mix of cultures: after the couple were pronounced 'man and wife', there was an outburst of applause and ululation from the congregation.
The last bit isn't automatic, but rather down to the desires of the priest taking the mass and the congregation. I like the hymns, as I have a reasonable singing voice - been asked to join international choirs and all sorts, but I don't like committing to such things.
So I'm presuming that this wedding is something Happy dragged you along to?;)
Marco.
Two chaplains in my time there, both Irish.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
An hour for communion (you've got about 750 people to do)
Half an hour for the sermon. At least.
A couple of readings, that's a cosy ten minutes.
All the rest of it, Credo, sign of peace, and what have you. Even at speed that's a good 30 minutes and they never went at speed.
Then you've got about 10 hymns scattered about at various intervals. Some of them have 6 or 7 verses and they always did the lot.
Only good thing was end of term was always a half-day holiday so when it finally ended you were free.
Interesting... That's quite different to what I'm familiar with. The cathedral where I used to go to for mass at school held just as many people (and more), but there were enough priests and servers, conducting and assisting with mass, for it to be over in an hour.
No idea where the 10 hymns come from either...:hmm: Even at mass on Christmas day, there are half that. On an average Sunday, there are three, sometimes four: one at the very beginning, one during the offertory, perhaps one during communion, and one at the end.
You Scousers always were a funny lot!:ner::D
Marco.
Jesuit school mate. Only the priest could give Communion. None of your lay-brothers or whatever doing it as well.
Normal Sunday Mass was about an hour, give or take ten minutes either way. About 6 hymns. Or if you went to the late one it would be about 40 minutes. There was one priest, can't remember his name but we used to call him 'Speedy Joe' because he would crack on through. We used to time him and I think his career best was 28 minutes.
He used to do the seven o'clock. That was a good one because you were pretty much guaranteed to be out in forty-five minutes. But if you went to that one and he came out that was a massive bonus. You could be confident that you'd get back in time for the start of 'That's Life'.
"Jesuits and Friends" quarterly magazine - I designed and did all the artwork for that. And that's the only contact I had with the Catholic Church. But maybe my thorough proof reading and attempts to keep the design interesting will buy me a place up there. :)
Unlike a church magazine one of my colleagues did for St. Paul's Walkden, which carried a full page ad on the back cover for Blackpool Pleasure Beach. One of the attractions was a public skating rink, but he had left the 'L' out of 'Public'. I pointed out the error to the gaffer who said "Too late to fix it now" so it went out like that.
Reminded me of the Monty Python advert for "Anal Cruises, for the anal holiday you'll never forget".
Thinking about it, the entire service lasted about an hour and a half, including Communion which only took 15 minutes or so. And since Africans don't do the best man bit, there are no speeches at the wedding reception, so the priest explained how the couple met etc. So, as it would seem, the whole business was relatively short and sweet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
The Sign of Peace was unexpected - I'd forgotten about that, but being typically British I shook hands.
And no - I wasn't dragged along, I wanted to go as I knew the groom's mother. There was a refreshment buffet after the service, then we went home whilst people were having the photographs taken (Africans are big on photographs and videos: there were two professional photographers present and some of the congragation were taking photos on their smartphones during the service). Returned at 8 'o clock for the reception which went on until 01:30 Sunday. They know how to party!
The only expense for me (apart from the wedding present) was Happy claiming she had nothing suitable to wear, so we had to buy her a new dress in advance.
Excellent... Did you get a new dress, too?:eyebrows:
Marco.
No - my usual 'hatching, matching and dispatching' suit was wheeled out for the occasion. Happy tolerates it, but says she is going to buy me a new one soon!Quote:
Originally Posted by Marco
I have no suit. :)