Tell Me Something............Anything!

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Originally Posted by Macca

Regardless of culture I'd say that in general women have a very clear idea of what they want. Men are generally happy to go along with that, not just for an easy life but because they really are not bothered what colour the kitchen worktops are or where to go on holiday. They might have a preference but not so much as the woman for whom such things are a much bigger deal.

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The other thing, in relation to the above, and returning to the whole 'SWMBO' thing, with hi-fi, is that if the above is true, and I don't doubt it, then that would explain why women married to blokes with an interest in hi-fi are usually in charge of what's 'allowed' in the lounge....

So the blokes concerned only have themselves to blame for not being 'bothered' enough about what the house was like, and for going along with whatever 'SWMBO' wanted, and therefore shouldn't moan on hi-fi forums now about not being 'allowed' to have a big pair of speakers (or whatever)!!:D

As they say, you reap what you sow... So man the fuck up in the first place, and speak your mind, or 'she' will just walk all over you ....;)

Themz the facts, muchachos.

Marco.

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Originally Posted by Macca

God alone knows. I moved out the day after I finished my A levels. I had a countdown going for the last six months.

My mother didn't go in for mothering or cooking or any of that stuff. She liked going to the shops and talking to her friends. Anything that took time away from doing that was a negative to her. My father was overseas a lot, but when he was home his attitude was that you had to work out your problems for yourself so don't come bothering him with anything. So we were left to our own devices pretty much.

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Ok, no worries. Again, very different from what I was used to. I hope the experience didn't impact on you too negatively, as it all sounds rather cold and distant...

I've always been very close to my mum and dad, being able to discuss anything with them (I guess partly arising from being an only child), and that's why I have the type of relationship I do now with my dad (still enjoying his company regularly), and indeed did with my mum right up until she died.

Anyway, at least you go and visit your mum, so you guys must still get on ok:)

Marco.

I'm probably one of the worst offenders when it comes to comments like SWMBO, or "her indoors", but I use it just for comic effect, as I suspect many others may do. Truth is, all decisions are arrived at by mutual consent, things such as holidays, décor, furniture and cars. Although things that Anita knows mean more to me, like hifi and music purchases I pretty much get free rein on, finances permitting.

I know there'll be some relationships where the hubby "brings home the bacon" while the little lady stays at home and keeps the place nice. And she is given an allowance to pay for food and kid's clothes etc. This is how Anita's previous dickhead did things. Then there will be couples where the hubby hands over his wages and gets some spending money. Neither of these arrangements would work for us. We pool our incomes and everything comes from that "pot".

The comments I post about Mrs. P should be taken with a pinch of salt. The reality is that we are two possibly slightly broken individuals who combine to make one reasonably well functioning machine. We are a team, and through love and mutual respect we get by pretty well.

I have no right to impose my will on Anita, and I know she feels the same about me :)

That's all cool, Steve... However, in your experience, throughout your time in sales, selling UPVC doors, windows or whatever, among those you've dealt with to date as customers, who would you say generally are the decision makers, when you close a deal, the men or the women of the house, or is it fairly even?:)

Marco.

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Originally Posted by Pigmy Pony

I'm probably one of the worst offenders when it comes to comments like SWMBO, or "her indoors"

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Neither are terms I've used. I've got a 'she who has a moan, but eventually gives up 'cos she realises it's like banging her head on the wall'. :D

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Originally Posted by walpurgis

Neither are terms I've used. I've got a 'she who has a moan, but eventually gives up 'cos she realises it's like banging her head on the wall'. :D

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Ah - you mean 'SWHAMBEGUCSRILBHHOTW'. :lol:

:lolsign:

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Originally Posted by Marco

Generally how it was for me, was that mum would be 'in charge' of the house, especially the kitchen, which was fiercely 'her domain' (and that's exactly how *she* wanted it, not necessarily my dad, but he of course happily went along with that, especially as she was such a good cook!) including paying the household bills, doing the food shopping and (mostly) looking after me.

Dad would mostly be 'in charge' of the garden, the garage, where all his tools were (gardening and woodwork), and anything to do with the car or the running of the business - but - if necessary those things were still discussed between them, so it was very much a partnership, and therefore formed what I expected later in my life from a marriage or relationship.

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I’m not casting aspersions on your situation at all, Marco but, to me that’s almost too much the other way and is almost back in the 1950s way of thinking – the man does the 'blue' man jobs and the woman does the 'pink' girly things and has the house neat and tidy with dinner on the table when he comes home? Stuff that! I couldn't think of anything worse, personally.

However, I am absolutely with you on the equal partnership thing, but my experiences come from having strong female role models in my life. My parents had me late in life so by the time I was a teenager my father had taken early retirement and did a lot of the household running as my mother still worked. Equally, my sister is the main breadwinner in her house and Mrs. B is in charge of global statutory accounting for a US publishing company and earns four times what I do! As a result, I actually do more of the ‘pink’ jobs than most men, purely because of the long hours she works. I cook during the week, do most of the day-to-day housework and if I want something ironed, I’ll give you three guesses who does it! On the other hand, at the weekend, you’ll often find Ursula mowing the lawn whilst I trim the hedges or something like that. We do what is needed when it is needed without any rules.

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Originally Posted by Marco

In my job as a salesman, selling all sorts of stuff, over many years to couples living together, married or otherwise, if I'd earned a pound every time I made a sale, where quite clearly, the woman turned out to be the decision maker at home, I can tell you I'd be much richer than if I'd applied the same to the men!;)

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I also have to pick up on this point as well. As mentioned Ursula is the big earner and having any salesmen come to the house is often entertaining for all the wrong reasons! Any tradesmen we have taken on are the ones who speak to us as equals and never assume that she is the ‘little woman’. I remember in our last house, one double glazing salesman and one guttering salesman where I struggled to hide my mirth. Their sales pitches were excellent but both directed all their comments to me and only referred to Ursula very infrequently – one actually made some sort of classic “shoes and handbags” type crack and I almost exploded trying to hold my laughter in, as I knew he wouldn’t be getting the job. Fortunately this sort of Neanderthal behaviour seems to be on the way out, which is a good thing.

I did all of both...:ner:

Hi Adam,

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Originally Posted by Beobloke

I’m not casting aspersions on your situation at all, Marco but, to me that’s almost too much the other way and is almost back in the 1950s way of thinking – the man does the 'blue' man jobs and the woman does the 'pink' girly things and has the house neat and tidy with dinner on the table when he comes home? Stuff that! I couldn't think of anything worse, personally.

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Well, firstly I'm only stating how it was when I was growing up, and apart from being a big daftee:eyebrows: it hasn't done me any harm! Secondly, whilst I appreciate where you're coming from, and taken to extremes no rigid way of thinking or behaviour is good, I disagree that having strong morals and old-fashioned family values is a bad thing.

Maybe if more parents today had time to bring up their kids properly, in a stable and loving environment (rather than both working all the hours under the sun, to fund a lifestyle they can ill afford, and as a result not bonding properly with them, and which they later grow to regret), as I was very fortunate to have, and crucially, brought children into the world for the right reasons in the first place, the world wouldn't be in its current state?

For me, if you can ever see your kids as an 'inconvenience' or stifling your social life, and feel resentful towards them for that reason, as was intimated earlier, then quite frankly, you shouldn't have had them in the first place! The fact is, once you have kids, your life has changed forever, and what's best for YOU is no longer your priority.

There are too many 'damaged goods' [people with serious emotional issues] around these days, from being brought into this world, as a result of a drunken fumble in the back of bus (or its equivalent), and who end up with 'parents' who don't give a damn and aren't worthy of the name, then end up suffering the consequences, so for me the traditional father/mother roles in parenting, whilst not perfect, still have a lot going for them.

Don't get me wrong though, when I said that's what I've grown to expect from a marital relationship, I didn't mean having 'wifey' stuck in front of the kitchen sink and slaving over a hot stove all day, while I 'bring home the bacon', as it were, but rather the respecting of each other as equals and working together as a team, as opposed to the opposite, which is so often in evidence these days! Ultimately, it's about what works best in a relationship and keeps both people feeling happy and fulfilled.

That's certainly the case in my marriage, as I'm sure it is in yours:)

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I also have to pick up on this point as well. As mentioned Ursula is the big earner and having any salesmen come to the house is often entertaining for all the wrong reasons! Any tradesmen we have taken on are the ones who speak to us as equals and never assume that she is the ‘little woman’. I remember in our last house, one double glazing salesman and one guttering salesman where I struggled to hide my mirth. Their sales pitches were excellent but both directed all their comments to me and only referred to Ursula very infrequently – one actually made some sort of classic “shoes and handbags” type crack and I almost exploded trying to hold my laughter in, as I knew he wouldn’t be getting the job. Fortunately this sort of Neanderthal behaviour seems to be on the way out, which is a good thing.

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Lol - that's really funny. I can relate to it *so* well, as I've seen it happening many times!

I wasn't insinuating that as a salesman you should take for granted who the decision maker is (man or woman), as that's a sure recipe for failure, but that quite simply in 35-odd years of selling, when it comes to things for the house, it's mostly the women in a relationship who make the final decisions, which is of course neatly highlighted by your point about Ursula!;)

Also, the best salespeople NEVER rely on 'sales pitches' to close deals, as anyone with sufficient intelligence can see right through them!!

Instead, you use your charm, people skills, overall knowledge of the product, and professionalism, to inspire confidence in the customer and make them feel comfortable with you, and LIKE you, [a good rapport must be established between both of you] because more often than not in face-to-face selling, only if someone LIKES you, will they buy from you - and that has been my recipe for success, for many years, as a salesman and businessman.

Transparent 'sales pitches' are for the fly-by-nights and those who *think* that they're good salespeople, but aren't, as there is unlikely any substance or longevity to a relationship between a customer and salesperson, if it's been built upon a superficial 'sales pitch' - and the only way to stay in business and create a stable longterm income, is to have loyal customers...

However, they soon learn the hard way, and that in the long term, scams or sales pitches don't work, much like using 'chat up lines' on girls!:D

Marco.