:lol: That wine holder, though... :eek: who in the marketing team thought that was a good idea?
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:lol: That wine holder, though... :eek: who in the marketing team thought that was a good idea?
Oh, I thought it was quite funny. Mind you, as a design it could have been worse! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Alex_UK
Curiously the placebo effect works even when the recipient knows it is a placebo. :scratch:
probably an old joke...but so true....
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people.
The nanny, we'll consider her the working class.
And your baby brother, we'll call him the future.
Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.
The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
A man calls up the White House and informs them he wants to be the next President of the United States
The person answering the phone berates him: "Are you an idiot?"
The caller is silent for a while then answers: "Is it compulsory?"
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming:
One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree. "Wow! I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said. "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked brunette woman floating face up headed toward the island.
The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking the other guy had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked brunette woman, unconscious.
They went over to her and discovered she was alive.
One said to the other. "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know, screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked. "Out of what?"
Excellent stuff Mad - moon :lol:
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before !!!!!
Thought it apt for here !! :eyebrows:
:lol:
Only another ten years and I'll have forgotten going to Weatherspoons; then again probably no bad thing:D
There are many reasons why one should avoid Weatherspoons as a pub/eatery - not least the flagrant pro-Brexit propaganda by Tim Martins written on the back of their menus.
:rfl: Nice one Anto, and spot on! The 60 year old one is me all over. I'll try to remember this one, though I'll probably have to write it down. I'd say Wetherspoons is a forgettable experience at any age ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Oddball
A Brummie walks into a tailors and says 'Alroit mate, o'id loike a 70s suit please'.
The tailor saays 'certainly sir - would you like a kipper tie with that?'
The Brummie says 'Thanks mate - two sugars please!'...............
A man goes to the dentist and says "I'm in a lot of pain. I think I have Ultravox Syndrome."
"I've never heard of that," says the dentist. "Where's the pain?"
"Mid-jaw" he replies.
The dentist says 'that means nothing to me'........
:rolleyes:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday !!!!!:D
You're on a roll there Anto! :lol:
Sean Connery was interviewed by Parkinson, and bragged that despite his elderly years, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with you. Let’s go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that wash good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I’m shleeping, hold my ballsh in your left hand and my cock in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that wash wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my ballsh in your left hand, and my cock in your right hand." Cilla is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your cock in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I slept with a shcouser, she shtole ma wallet."
A priest, a bishop and a rabbit go to give blood. When they get there, the rabbit says to the nurse "I think I'm a Type O"
I just heard they won't be making yard sicks any longer
One day Youtube Twitter and facebook will join together and be called
YouTwitFace :)
Free tip
Never buy a Labrador , As 90% of the owners go blind :eek:
Two blonds were driving to Disneyland , The sign said Disney left so they both started crying and went home
The wife asked me to go to Asda to get something to go on her pancakes tonight,
I came back with a bra.
I’m writing this from the shed...........
In order to achieve their nightclub 'high', Yorkshire clubbers have taken to injecting ecstasy directly into their mouths using dental syringes. This procedure is known locally as 'E by Gum'.
Very good -Mr sneff and Al !!! :)
I was in the pub earlier when out of nowhere, my best mate announced he was setting off on a South Pole expedition in the morning.
I said, "FFS pal, when did you plan this then?"
He said, "When the wife found a balaclava and ice axe in the wardrobe!"
I splashed out on some new lingerie in Ann Summers...
Now the assistant says I have to pay for it!
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
Just renewed my car insurance over the phone, and as I was about to hang up the lass on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "I've got a dog."
She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "no, he can't drive!"
Ha ha
Jokes about sugar are very rare
Jokes about brown sugar ? dem are rarer
And finally :)
I went to the doctors and asked what was the best exercise to lose weight.
The doctor said, "Just shake your head."
I asked him, "How often?"
He said, "Whenever someone offers you some food you fat git!"
Thats likely to be me lol
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Oddball
A Bloke trying to impress everyone with his possessions yet has the worse taste imaginable.. How that exercise then is suppose to works i have no idea.
ofc its a joke or more the fact he is.
I had to look twice at the photo to see the 'joke'.
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Win 2 tickets to see Rangers vs Bayer Leverkusen in the Europa League...
second prize, Win 4 tickets to see Rangers vs Bayer Leverkusen in the Europa League.
:rolleyes:
Hearing of the shortage of toilet rolls, my local shop is now selling them only to regular customers.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.
I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet!"