Brilliant listing! Great find, Chris!
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Brilliant listing! Great find, Chris!
This listing has been removed now - 134,334 people looked at it!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Grand Wazoo
But I reckon it needs to be preserved for posterity. So I managed to get a cached version & here's the wording.
Quote:
My ex Brother-in-Law's shit record collection
Jazz funk, soul, disco, bollocks. 50 discs 12" & LP
You are bidding on a collection of 50 (approx) 12" singles and LPs of crap music.
My sister found these in her attic last weekend, where they has been sat gathering dust for the last couple of decades. They used to belong to her ex-husband, who is one of the biggest arseholes ever to draw breath. I never liked the wanker, and based my initial antipathy towards him on his taste in music. Not to put too fine a point on it, he was that most contemptible form of pond life, a Jazz Funker. This meant that as well as shit taste in music, he had appalling taste in clothes too. Pringle jumpers, pleated Farrahs, shoes that looked like pasties, white socks, revolting shirts and a comical wedge-cut hairdon't. Add to this 80s fashion horrorshow a Ford Capri and Super Mario-style moustache underlining his bulbous nose, and you get an object lesson in twatdom. No wonder Northern Soul fans (and everyone else) treated the Jazz Funk fans with sneering comntempt.
I couldn't comprehend what on earth my usually sensible sister could possibly see in the pillock. In vain I pleaded with her to send him packing. My argument that his hankering for Earth Wind & Fire records and attendance at soul weekenders made him a poor choice of mate was waved away as the rantings of a callow youth. She felt my reasoning was unsound.
Reader, she married him.
He made her life miserable for a few years with his moping, moody belligerence (and playing horrendous records like these). He told her lies and generally behaved like a platinum c*nt. Then he dumped her for his mistress when my sister was four months pregnant.
It's now nearly 20 years later and I would still like to take a meat tenderizer to his face. But his most horrendous crime, worse than wiring up my granny's shower so it was electrically live, worse even than his infidelity or the awful way he treated my sister, was the fact that he actually liked the abomination known as Jazz Funk. Here is the evidence. What a bastard.
Well, I suppose I'd better tell you what's for sale, though why you would actually want to own this dreck is beyond me. It's basically music for people who have a deep-seated hatred of music and want to inflict their pain on the world. But here goes nothing.
List............
I mean, Shakatak for fucks sake. What a prick. And surely he must have realised that buying anything by Shalimar would open him up to ridicule. Even those bands' mothers couldn't bear to listen to that stuff. I know I couldn't. None of this is play graded, only visually. I just could not bring myself to dirty my stylus with this bollocks.
Boring stuff: - I grade conservatively, particularly when I don't like the records. Don't ask me to split this lot. You buy it, you buy all of it and pay the shipping. I'm not keeping it in my house any longer than strictly neccessary. For the same reason, no returns. I don't want it back. Shipping in UK is £15 because the weight is approx 10kg . I'm willing to ship overseas at cost, but it's likely to be expensive (maybe £45 in europe) and frankly this crap isn't worth the stamps. If you want to collect from Croydon, that's OK but I will look at you with a contemptuous sneer as you stand in my doorway, proving by your purchase that you are tone deaf and tasteless.
Good luck, and God help you for liking this drivel.
On 28-May-11 at 08:25:42 BST, seller added the following information:
Well this has all gone a bit crazy. In a very nice way - I haven't stopped laughing yet! In less than 24 hours over 11,000 have viewed this auction. I'm amazed.
If you are wondering what my own taste in music is like, check out The Rockabilly DJ Show at www.rockabillyDJ.com where there are over 150 hours of my radio show in the archive. You will probably decide that the old proverb about stones and glass houses is strangely relevant.
Thanks for joining in the fun and helping this silly little bit of revenge go viral. Keep smiling...and bidding!
:lolsign: well done for finding the cached version Chris....
I work with a Jazz Funker, can't wait to show it to him :eyebrows:
Priceless. :)
some of the questions/comments he received below were even funnier:
....we'll always have Grimsby!
Yes, I tried to capture those, but couldn't find the cached versions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spur07
EDIT:
Got 'em!!!!
Quote:
Question & Answer
Q: hi, shipping won't be necessary, but thanks for the offer. I only wish I dare bid, out of support and respect for such laudable behaviour. And thanks for what has been the high point of my day. The very best of British sir ! this listing could become legendary, and I for one hope it does ! 28-May-11
A: Thanks
Q: I haven't got a question I just want to say thank you very much for the entertaining description of the horrible bastard brother in law, it was great, it made me laugh out loud. Your ex brother in law sounds repulsive, I hope you make loadsa money from his bad taste music. Good luck. PS I love rockabilly music too. : ) PPS, I'm sure you must be by now aware that this is travelling round Facebook. I'd like to hear you do the commentating on 'come dine with me', ha ha.... 28-May-11
A: Just noticed that the link has been shard on FB over 16000 times
Q: Without doubt, the best listing description I have ever read! Thank-you for making a potentially dismal weekend truly hilarious! Cheers Bernie 28-May-11
A: ;)
Q: I think your story is really moving in a funny sort of way and I'm so glad, reading the other answers, that your sister is in a better situation now. I'm just curious to know, did he buy the records before they got married or after? You'd think she would have realised... 28-May-11
A: I think a lot of them were purchased at the Caister weekender in 1981, a year or two before they were married. That was the warning signal as far as I was concerned, but I failed to convince her with my logic.
Q: Just want to point out that most of this stuff isn't even Jazz Funk... and it was the nothern soulers and 7O's football hooligans that dressed like that... (except for the shoes)... but what's to be expected from a Rockabilly DJ... (I do like some rockabilly.. :P) good luck selling this dross... though there are a few good tracks in there... former Jazz Funker 28-May-11
A: So he was a plastic wannabe? No surprise there
Q: I hope the Ford Capri was gold ... that would complete the image perfectly 28-May-11
A: Can't remember the colour
Q: I want to congratulate you on your revenge auction. This truly is amazing! But your right what the fuck was he thinking!? I'd rather gouge my own eyes and ears out with a rusty blunt spoon than buy that shite :-D x 28-May-11
A: What he said
Q: OMG! My EX (thankfully) used to wear PASTY shoes! He was a teacher, and the kids used to call him by his pasty shoes! PMSL 28-May-11
A: LOL!
Q: ...three humorous ebay listings that I have read; all three have been UK listings. Firefox has a way of saving a web page so I have saved this auction. Thanks for cheering up my day. 28-May-11
A: Our TV is largely junk, so we have to make our own entertainment
Q: OMG, I'v just laughed so hard a little bit of pee came out, i wish your sister all the happiness in her new life, but as for that pile of plastic your ex-brother-in-law called music, you can keep it, you should have a wed page 28-May-11
A: A web page might be better. I've got one of those, see the listing update.
Q: you're dissing your ex brother in laws musical taste, yet you live in croydon, you know what they say about people, stones and glasshouses. you need to change your listing, most of these records aren't jazz funk they're 70s and 80s pop, then again coming from croydon its easily understandable how you got confused. 28-May-11
A: Yeah, that's what I hate too. People who live in places. That place is rubbish, so they must be rubbish too. And their taste. Ha, that told them! Thanks for pointing it out, have you thought about going into inspirational public speaking?
Q: I would bid but I think you have probably urinated on them at some stage plus the collection is missing classics from Imagination like 'Body Talk', 'Music and Lights', 'Flashback' and 'Just an Illusion' - You brother in-law wasn't a complete toss pot then! lol 28-May-11
A: Oh great. Thanks. Now I have got the back catalogue of Imagination stuck in my brain. Aarghh (again)
Q: I think I want to marry you! 28-May-11
A: Can you imagine what I would auction when we split up? No! It can never be my darling, for your sake as well as mine. But...we will always have Grimsby
Q: Thanks for this - ive had an absolute shit day and this really cheered me up - ive pasted it on my facebook and its spreading even further - you should get paid for it!!!!! Now i know what to do with my loser wanker ex-boyfriends stuff instead of burning it!!!! Thanks again J x 28-May-11
A: I think there will be a few folks following this idea
Q: Are you aware that you are a genius? My mum posted this to me on FB, so I shared it with my boyfriend and best mate... too funny for words :-) I hope you make a fortune from this! 28-May-11
A: Life has made me painfully aware that 'genius' is not one of my major problems
Q: Mate this has brightened up my day considering the crap ebay have caused with the changes to the site. Fantastic. 28-May-11
A: Spread a little happiness as you go by (oh my)
Q: As the others already mentioned by far the best listing on ebay ever. Good luck from Greece mate!! 28-May-11
A: Menin Aiede thea, geezer
Q: This is the funniest Ebay listing I've ever read. 28-May-11
A: .
Q: wow! this is absolute class, you are so talented, as a comdedian i mean...good luck. laughing my tits off!!! 28-May-11
A: It's the way I tell 'em
Q: Wording this listing must have felt bloody wonderful....I congratulate you and only wish I could buy you a beer :) 28-May-11
A: Cathartic is the word. And I probably don't need any more beer, but thanks for the offer.
There are five more pages of them but I really can't seem to get at those ones.
A man after my own heart i say
I reckon was a bargain for someone:
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.d...RK:MESINDXX:IT
Well done Chris....:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
Saved for posterity.
Regards D S D L
Listed under -> Home Audio -> Remote Controls -be quick! http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Good-Condition...#ht_600wt_1139