lol - Had this as a WhatsApp message a few days ago - love it :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by mr sneff
Printable View
lol - Had this as a WhatsApp message a few days ago - love it :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by mr sneff
n n n n not yet not yetQuote:
Originally Posted by Made in 1968
Latest royal news - Prince Charles is self-isolating in Scotland with Covid-19. Prince Andrew is self-isolating at Windsor with Jennifer - 16.
Just caught an absolutely disgusting pervert on the bus watching porn over my shoulder!
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns...
Well, toucan play at that game!
---------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she's leaving me because of my obsession with KitKats...
I suggested we have a break!
---------------------------------------------
I called the doctor. "My wife is going into labour! What should I do?"
"Is this her first child?" he asked.
"No, this is her husband!
----------------------------------------------
I'm not saying I'm concerned about catching Covid-19 but I did my 20 mins
walk via Google Earth street view today...
-----------------------------------------------
An Irishman's first drink with his son:
While reading an article last night about fathers and the sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?
He didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest whisky.
He wouldn't even smell it.
What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so s**t-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!
Mick says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid idiots, because I wasn't even home yesterday."
:lol:
Irish Confession
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
When the priest came in, I said to him,"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replied, "You moron, you're on my side."
I went out on a date with a dentist many years ago.
At the end of the evening she said she would like to see me again in 6 months time!
Diane Abbott to take the Corona Virus test................but only if there are no maths questions.