Jokes & Funnies

Free tip

Never buy a Labrador , As 90% of the owners go blind :eek:

Two blonds were driving to Disneyland , The sign said Disney left so they both started crying and went home

The wife asked me to go to Asda to get something to go on her pancakes tonight,

I came back with a bra.

I’m writing this from the shed...........

In order to achieve their nightclub 'high', Yorkshire clubbers have taken to injecting ecstasy directly into their mouths using dental syringes. This procedure is known locally as 'E by Gum'.

Very good -Mr sneff and Al !!! :)


I was in the pub earlier when out of nowhere, my best mate announced he was setting off on a South Pole expedition in the morning.

I said, "FFS pal, when did you plan this then?"

He said, "When the wife found a balaclava and ice axe in the wardrobe!"

I splashed out on some new lingerie in Ann Summers...

Now the assistant says I have to pay for it!

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"

Just renewed my car insurance over the phone, and as I was about to hang up the lass on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "I've got a dog."

She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"

I said, "no, he can't drive!"

Ha ha

Jokes about sugar are very rare
Jokes about brown sugar ? dem are rarer

And finally :)

I went to the doctors and asked what was the best exercise to lose weight.

The doctor said, "Just shake your head."

I asked him, "How often?"

He said, "Whenever someone offers you some food you fat git!"

Thats likely to be me lol