Jokes & Funnies

There are many reasons why one should avoid Weatherspoons as a pub/eatery - not least the flagrant pro-Brexit propaganda by Tim Martins written on the back of their menus.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Oddball

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in
Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good
value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before !!!!!

Thought it apt for here !! :eyebrows:

---

:rfl: Nice one Anto, and spot on! The 60 year old one is me all over. I'll try to remember this one, though I'll probably have to write it down. I'd say Wetherspoons is a forgettable experience at any age ;)

A Brummie walks into a tailors and says 'Alroit mate, o'id loike a 70s suit please'.

The tailor saays 'certainly sir - would you like a kipper tie with that?'

The Brummie says 'Thanks mate - two sugars please!'...............

A man goes to the dentist and says "I'm in a lot of pain. I think I have Ultravox Syndrome."

"I've never heard of that," says the dentist. "Where's the pain?"

"Mid-jaw" he replies.

The dentist says 'that means nothing to me'........

:rolleyes:

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.




Bob has been missing since Friday !!!!!:D

You're on a roll there Anto! :lol:

Sean Connery was interviewed by Parkinson, and bragged that despite his elderly years, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with you. Let’s go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that wash good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have even better shex. But while I’m shleeping, hold my ballsh in your left hand and my cock in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that wash wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. But again, hold my ballsh in your left hand, and my cock in your right hand." Cilla is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your cock in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the lasht time I slept with a shcouser, she shtole ma wallet."

A priest, a bishop and a rabbit go to give blood. When they get there, the rabbit says to the nurse "I think I'm a Type O"

I just heard they won't be making yard sicks any longer

One day Youtube Twitter and facebook will join together and be called

YouTwitFace :)